Hi, my name is D and this is my writings on subjects. I'm no rapscallion or anything at all. If you want to you can read my writings on subjects if you have free time. If you want to argue with me or call me names then please comment. Negative feedback is very welcome...I love dat shit. Me? I'm not even a noun, I'm a fucking verb, dude.

Monday, July 27, 2015

Re-Defining the Concept of "God"

I was listening to a Jesuit on the Neil Tyson show the other day,  that show does some pretty interesting segments sometimes, for sure. One part of that Jesuit show that was interesting was the priest talking about how Einstein often used the word "God" and Tyson tried to explain to the priest that science's concept of "God" is not what you think it is.

This essay will use three instances of popularizers of science and try to further explain what Tyson was trying to explain to the priest. The popularizers of modern science will be A) Buck Fuller, B) Carl Sagan, and C) Albert Einstein.

We'll do Einstein last to talk about his definition of "God" after the other two popularizers are explained to help delve into what Einstein's concept of "God" was.

Alright so first my boy Fulla...


Buck Fuller on "God"

I've read most of what Buck's written and there's a lot to work with in using his texts to try and explain how people of science view the concept of God, but, one clear-cut easy to work with example is Buck's re-writing or "re-thinking" rather of the "Lord's Prayer" which was composed in 1979 and reads as follows:

To be satisfactory to science
all definitions
must be stated
in terms of experience

I define Universe as
all of humanity’s
in-all-known-time
consciously apprehended
and communicated (to self or others)
experiences.

In using the word, God,
I am consciously employing
four clearly differentiated
from one another
experience-engendered thoughts.

Firstly I mean: —

Those experience-engendered thoughts
which are predicted upon past successions
of unexpected, human discoveries
of mathematically incisive,
physically demonstrable answers
to what theretofore had been misassumed
to be forever unanswerable
cosmic magnitude questions
wherefore I now assume it to be
scientifically manifest,
and therefore experientially reasonable that

scientifically explainable answers
may and probably will
eventually be given
to all questions
as engendered in all human thoughts
by the sum total
of all human experiences;
wherefore my first meaning for God is: —

all the experientially explained
or explainable answers
to all questions
of all time —

Secondly I mean: —
The individual’s memory
of many surprising moments
of dawning comprehensions
of an interrelated significance
to be existent
amongst a number
of what had previously seemed to be
entirely uninterrelated experiences
all of which remembered experiences
engender the reasonable assumption
of the possible existence
of a total comprehension
of the integrated significance —
the meaning —
of all experiences.

Thirdly, I mean:–
the only intellectually discoverable
a priori, intellectual integrity
indisputably manifest as
the only mathematically statable
family
of generalized principles —
cosmic laws–
thus far discovered and codified
and ever physically redemonstrable
by scientists
to be not only unfailingly operative
but to be in eternal
omni-interconsiderate,
omni-interaccommodative governance
of the complex
of everyday, naked-eye experiences
as well as of the multi-millions-fold greater range
of only instrumentally explored
infra- and ultra-tunable
micro and macro-Universe events.

Fourthly, I mean: —
All the mystery inherent
in all human experience,
which as a lifetime ratioed to eternity,
is individually limited
to almost negligible
twixt sleepings, glimpses
of only a few local episodes
of one of the infinite myriads
of concurrently and overlappingly operative
sum-totally never-ending
cosmic scenario serials

With these four meanings I now directly address God.

“Our God —
Since omni-experience is your identity
You have given us
overwhelming manifest: —
of Your complete knowledge
of Your complete comprehension
of Your complete concern
of Your complete coordination
of Your complete responsibility
of Your complete capability to cope
in absolute wisdom and effectiveness
with all problems and events
and of Your eternally unfailing reliability
so to do

Yours, Dear God,
is the only and complete glory.

By Glory I mean
the synergetic totality
of all physical and metaphysical radiation
and of all physical and metaphysical gravity
of finite
but nonunitarily conceptual
scenario Universe
in whose synergetic totality
the a priori energy potential
of both radiation and gravity
are initially equal
but whose respective
behavioral patterns are such
that radiation’s entropic, redundant disintegratings
is always less effective
than gravity’s nonredundant
syntropic integrating

Radiation is plural and differentiable,
radiation is focusable, beamable, and self-sinusing,
it is interceptible, separatist, and biasable —
ergo, has shadowed voids and vulnerabilities;

Gravity is unit and undifferentiable
Gravity is comprehensive
inclusively embracing and permeative
is nonfocusable and shadowless,
and is omni-integrative
all of which characteristics of love.
Love is metaphysical gravity.

You, Dear God,
are the totally loving intellect
ever designing
and ever daring to test
and thereby irrefutably proving
to the uncompromising satisfaction
of Your own comprehensive and incisive
knowledge of the absolute truth
that Your generalized principles
adequately accommodate any and all
special case developments,
involvements, and side effects;
wherefore Your absolutely courageous

omnirigorous and ruthless self-testing
alone can and does absolutely guarantee
total conservation
of the integrity
of eternally regenerative Universe

Your eternally regenerative scenario Universe
is the minimum complex
of totally intercomplementary
totally intertransforming
nonsimultaneous, differently frequenced
and differently enduring
feedback closures
of a finite
but nonunitarily
nonsimultaneously conceptual system
in which naught is created
and naught is lost
and all occurs
in optimum efficiency.

Total accountability and total feedback
constitute the minimum and only
perpetual motion system.
Universe is the one and only
eternally regenerative system.

To accomplish Your regenerative integrity
You give Yourself the responsibility
of eternal, absolutely continuous,
tirelessly vigilant wisdom.

Wherefore we have absolute faith and trust in You,
and we worship You
awe-inspiredly,
all-thankfully,
rejoicingly,
lovingly,
Amen.
(Buck)

 (video version of an older version of Buck Fulla's "Lord's Prayer": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJKLs6zEU8g&t=2m8s)
 

B.U.C.K.
Here in this prayer he is in total "Synergetics" mode which is kind of like some super-autistic language he made up. In English, Buck is basically saying that the concept of "God" is a direct synonym to the word "Universe". Everything that exists and can be understood by humans is defined as our Universe and our Universe is our God. Buck, just like Nelson Dwight Sickels, never put the word "the" in front of Universe...to him that was a form of blasphemy. It is "Universe" not "The Universe"...just like a religious person wouldn't say "The God" like "I'm praying to The God today" they would just say "I'm praying to God". Similarly with Buck, who believes Universe IS God, he never referred to Universe as "The Universe."

This, I think, is a good intro into understanding how people who deal with science view the concept of "God" and even though Buck mentions God in his prayer....he is not invoking the same concept as a religious person is when they use that term. God to Buck is simply Universe....nothing more and nothing less. God to him is "a series of integral truths which are a combined plurality of generalized principles."


Carl Sagan on how Spiritual this "Universe" is

Ok, so in trying to explain this rational yet spiritual view of "God" we are going to continue on with the definition of "Universe" to be a synonym of "God." If Universe is deified to represent "God" can people thus have spiritual experiences from this plurality of integral truths known as Universe?

Sagan has a book, I think it was a post-humous printing of talks he gave, which is called Varieties of Scientific Experience: A Personal View of the Search for God.

Since this essay is trying to show that Universe can be spiritual in itself this book is a good place to go to next. The topic of spirituality derived from the beauty of the "Cosmos," on the radio show the other day where Neil Tyson debates a Jesuit priest he does cover this. At one point Tyson stated that while looking off a tall mountain and seeing the world under you and the clouds under you....a person can feel this sense of awe inspiring emotion from the beauty of the world. The beauty of Universe itself can surely be a spiritual experience in and of itself without the need for deities.

A guest on the radio show was also Richard Dawkins, a evolutionary biologist, who once described Sagan's book Varieties of Scientific Experience as....

"Was Carl Sagan a religious man? He was so much more. He left behind the petty, parochial, medieval world of the conventionally religious, left the theologains, priests, and mullahs wallowing in their small-minded spiritual poverty. He left them behind, because he had so much more to be religious about. They have their Bronze-Age myths, medieval superstitions and childish wishful thinking. He had the Universe." -Dawkins

First off, I don't know why he refers to Universe as "the" Universe...it looks really odd that "the" there. What he's saying makes sense though. I mean why when you're looking off a mountain enjoying how awesome your world is should you need to thank some voodoo "god" or stone-age deity for it? Why can't you just enjoy it? Not only enjoy it but let it invoke a sense of wonder about it that urges you to study it and understand it?

Who needs those "Bronze-Age" myths and texts anyway? There's parts of those books that are not very uplifting for today's society. A good chunk of the christ book is on how to properly punish sinners that's rife with eye plucking and terrible terrible burning, there's parts of the muslim book on what's the proper procedure for having relations with a child slave, there's parts of the jew book about what a jew isn't allowed to do and what you need to force "goyim sub-humans" to do that stuff for you. These old religious texts are ATROCIOUS and FUCKED UP. They don't instill a sense of wonder or awe in me....the bible, talmud, quran, etc. are super-duper depressing! I wouldn't allow children to read these books....they are 100 times worse than today's most violent movies and video games.

Not to burst your bubble but people like Carl Sagan and Neil Tyson are MORE religious than conventional religious people. These Bronze-Age myths aren't edifying or awe-inspiring in the least...there's nothing spiritual about them. They are just offensive and gross. Sagan and Tyson and others, can enjoy the beauty of Universe without the bull-doo-doo that goes with organized religion.

Since we're laying out the quotes hard up in here...we'll throw down a Sagan one too:

In its encounter with Nature, science invariably elicits a sense of reverence and awe. The very act of understanding is a celebration of joining, merging, even if on a very modest scale, with the magnificence of the Cosmos. And the cumulative worldwide build-up of knowledge over time converts science into something only a little short of a trans-national, trans-generational meta-mind. - Sagan

Science is all of humans' combined understanding of the "Cosmos" (which thanks to Tyson has become a popular word again.) Science is thus a "meta-mind", an all encompassing log of all humans' opinions/thoughts/feelings/generalizations/principles over all of trans-generational time.

"Cosmos" is a pretty good synonym for God too. I'm not so crazy about "Nature" anymore because over the last decade that word has been bastardized and ruined by the "organic food" and "organic medicine" people. "Natural" is quickly becoming a word solely used by jabronies in modern times so "Nature" with no "the" isn't a good go-to word for "God" these days.

Cosmos is written with a "the" so it can't be the best replacement word for "God"....it seems "Universe" with no "the" is still the coolest word at this point, I think.

Einstein and his Concept of "God"

So, coming back around to the main point, where the priest on the Tyson show claimed Einstein believes in God and Einstein is like the smartest guy so therefore smart people believe in God. As we can see from the previous two popularizers of science/rationality it is unlikely that this claim is gonna hold true. Einstein's concept of "God" is much more like Buck's concept of "Universe" and Sagan's concept of the "Cosmos."

Here is Einstein on religion:

"Scientists believe that every occurrence, including the affairs of human beings, is due to the laws of nature. Therefore a scientist cannot be inclined to believe that the course of events can be influenced by prayer, that is, by a supernaturally manifested wish.
However, we must concede that our actual knowledge of these forces is imperfect, so that in the end the belief in the existence of a final, ultimate spirit rests on a kind of faith. Such belief remains widespread even with the current achievements in science.
But also, everyone who is seriously involved in the pursuit of science becomes convinced that some spirit is manifest in the laws of the universe, one that is vastly superior to that of man. In this way the pursuit of science leads to a religious feeling of a special sort, which is surely quite different from the religiosity of someone more naive."
-Einstein

From these words it's not hard to deduce that yes he was a religious guy and did believe in "God" yet after reading Fuller's concept of "God" and Sagan's concept of "God" can you maybe begin to suspect that Einstein is more in that area as well?


The final statement is him saying that, yes, he is religious but not in the "naive" sense of reading the bible/quran/talmud and praying to voodoo gods in the sky for a plentiful harvest this year or to make it rain. His belief in "God" is of a "special sort" which is based on the "laws of nature."

His view of God is an amalgamation of the laws of nature....the combination of all generalized principles in Universe and the trans-generational meta-data of the Cosmos....nothing more and nothing less. Yes he uses the word "God" but that doesn't mean he thought he's going to "Heaven" when he dies or that he can ask a magic man in the sky to give him a thousand bucks if he thinks really hard to him...no....he believes "God" is a set of natural laws.



Conclusion

The views of rational thinkers on religion and spirituality is not that much different than that of non-rational thinkers. Rational dudes/chicks just cut away the bull crap to get to the good part.

It's like chipping away at a rock until you are left with the diamond stuck in the center. Rational thinkers cut away all the silly crap associated with spiritualness....they cut away all the silly passages from books written two thousand years ago about floods n' slaves n' castration n' flying human-faced donkeys who kill entire armies of infidels...they throw ALL that GARBAGE away and focus on the meaty part of spirituality....the ever-invoking awe and wonder of the cool-cool world around us.

They find comfort in how cool the Natural Laws are that govern the Cosmos of our Scenario called Universe. You know what I mean?


End note: I'm not always sure Carl Sagan was that less naive than conventional religous-types as Dawkins was saying. With Sagan's alien bull-doo-doo, he did believe that there was a force "out there somewhere" that we can talk to and entrust our hopes and dreams to and this force in space would end up being our salvation.

His views on finding Aliens with radio signals really is a conventional religious experience, no doubt. The yearning for science people like Sagan, Hawking, SETI Institute and others to search for these "aliens" is definitely a replacement for religion for them. Sagan recorded messages for these Aliens which, I dunno 'bout you, but listening to them...it pretty much sounds like he's "praying" to these alien deities "out there." The alien stuff might be a very conventional religion for the non-religious types to use as a replacement for their discarded religions.

Saturday, July 18, 2015

2015 Just For Laughs Fest: Nasty Show Review

I think people in Montreal get spoiled and jaded to all the awesome shit that happens in this city. I think that's even one of the reasons the Expos left is because we're Entertainment Overloaded here to the point where we get jaded and don't appreciate the high quality of Entertainment that this city offers to us.

I'm that way too, like after the 5th time of going to the Jazz Fest you kind of get the feeling of "been there, done that" and you stop going. I realized that the last time I went to a Just For Laughs gala was probably over a decade ago. It's just one of those things you take for granted that it happens every year because you've "been there done that" already. Just like the Expos though, if we don't support these things they might eventually stop as well. It's great for tourism but local support is important too.

The last time I went, it was a gala hosted by Jon Stewart and Lewis Black was the headliner. I'm sure this was over 10 years ago. The Just for Laughs fest is something, as a Montrealer, I think I filed away under "been there done that" and that's a shame because getting jaded to comedy is a terrible thing to do.

I think this year's Just for Laughs fest is uncommonly hardcore in terms of just how many comics and funny people are barnstormin' the city this July. Literally almost every funny person who is still living is in the city of Montreal right now.

Dave Chappelle for example who doesn't preform much anymore is doing TEN sold out shows this year. They got Weird Al doing a free open air concert which is cool, adult me is excited about a free Weird Al show...but I can try and imagine-back how excited "11 year old me" would have been about that. I used to rock out to Weird Al all the time as a child unit.

Every one is pumped up for this Comedy business this year....I can say with confidence that this year's comedy fest is the most stacked lineup in history.


Nasty Show

I like dirty comedy, I think it's natural and honest. To me hearing offensive stuff is like the emotion I get from watching horror movies. I know the horror movie is going to freak me out and exercise my fear-muscles...and I want it to do that. If a horror movie doesn't scare me I feel jipped. Same thing with offensive comedy...if the comics didn't offend me and exercise my uncomfortable-muscles then I feel jipped.

The lineup for this year's Nasty Show was fucked-upingly bad-ass. They spiced it up this year for sure.

I'm gonna do a short review of the immense talent displayed at this show while it is still fresh in my mind.


Host: Mike Ward


Ward is already a huge act within the French demographic of North America. He is the biggest stand up in Quebec right now. That demo is only about 6 million people or so, and he wants to do some english material to try and launch into the English North American demo as well...which is something like 300 million people or more. He's fluent in both french and english so tapping the other 300 million people of North America shouldn't be a difficult transition for him.

His bits were solid, he did a great job...as host, his main function was to get the crowd pumped and ready to get crazy for the comics. Every time he took the stage the DJ would play "Killing in the Name Of" by Rage Against the Machine which is a great way to get folks amped. His crowd interaction was on the mark and he asked the right pump-up question to the large crowd..."are you all getting drunk!? Ya!" to get them fully pumped up to laugh.

 I think he can gain an American audience for sure.

Final Rating: A+


Leadoff Man: Mike Wilmot

Mike is an old horse from the Canadian circuit, he's a professional, he knows what he's doing. He's got a deep raspy voice that fits well with the material he does. He came out swingin' and the crowd really dug it.

He had a lot of quality material, one joke that was really good was a his sandwich joke. Paraphrased here....

"I'm open minded, I love all cultures. You guys in Montreal have a lot of different cultures and that's great, I like that. I think you can tell a lot about people from the sandwiches they make. A lebanese guy making a shawarma for instance. How can you hate arabs after eatin' one of those? Those guys make amazing sandwiches! Biting into one of those is like biting into Love. Then look at the Jews....people hate 'em...but how can you hate 'em? Have you ever eaten smoked meat down at Schwartz's? That's a damn good sandwich! Then there's the Chinese......um.....hold on they don't have any sandwiches....their more of a dumpling people.

...I don't trust those damned dumpling people! Why can't you make a sandwich!?
"
That bit is funny because it's true. Chinese food is amazing and great but how come they never work with bread? Why can't the Chinese design a damned sandwich? Wilmot is right.

He was a great leadoff guy.

Final Rating: A+


The Always Impeccable and Refined: Jimmy Carr

This guy very meticulous and methodical, he is a consummate professional. He knows exactly how to work with time, pauses, and delivery.

The Triple Toppin' Triceratops of Comedy
He works with "toppers" which are basically added bonus punches to punch lines. He won't hold up at one topper though he goes into 3 or 4 topper punches on punch lines at times. A formulaiic breakdown of his style on a Big 3 Topper is as so....

Look business-like at clipboard -> Present Set Up -> Pregnant Pause -> Punch Line -> Shift Eyes from Left to Right in Eye Socket 3 to 4 times -> Topper 1 -> Shift Eyes from Left to Right in Eye Socket 3 to four times -> Topper 2 -> Shift Eyes from Left to Right in Eye Socket 3 to four times -> TOPPER 3!

His jokes have 3+ punch lines in many cases, they are serious three horners. In the dinosaur world you call a three horned beast a Triceratops. His tri-top method makes him the Triceratops of Comedy, no doubt.

He works well with contrast too. He presents himself as a regaled/official British man of Royal/Noble extraction....but his material has to do with the dirtiest n' filthiest shit, guy. The contrast works very very well.

Final Rating: A+


The Queen Bee Herself: Ms. Luenell

Queen Bee
The brand of comedy championed in the "Party Records" era of Rudy Ray Moore, Redd Foxx, LaWanda Page and others undoubtedly was a Golden Age of Comedy.

Luenell's brand of comedy really is an encapsulation of that Golden Age. She's keeping that style alive and well with her killer act. She is amongst the greats of LaWanda Page and Lady Reed...her style is up there with those two comics, no doubt.

Her act made me feel like I was whisked away into a Dolemite movie. It was cool. Her material is top notch too, no doubt about it. She does a great bit about how the masturbatorial habits of men and women differ (complete with an impression of how both men and women masturbate their dicks/pussies).

Her blowjob material was the killer part of the set, for me. She animates all the stuff she's talking about with mannerisms and it's so filthy and funny. A paraphrased example....

"Damn, men don't understand that blowjobs are fore play...they want that shit to be the whole sex session. No! That is just foreplay. Y'all get 17-18 up and down sucks and that's IT then we gotta fuck. Seventeen to eighteen sucks...or 40 if it's your birthday! 

I don't know what's up with dicks these days either. Back in the day guys had nice big hard cocks you could suck on. Now y'all got these floppy bastards that I can't even get a grip on! I don't want to be chasin' a dick all over the damn room just to suck that shit! Damn."

She helps explain her points by animating the sex acts with the mic and her hands. When she shows you how hard it is to suck on a stupid floppy-ass dick....it's as funny as fuck.

Final Rating: A+

 
 The Phantom of the Opera of Comedy: Mr. Gilbert Gottfried

Art by Drew Friedman
Next the twisted and dark soul of Gilbert Gottfried took the stage, a deranged man who lives under Alan Thicke's cat walk....this creature does comedy sets in the bowels of that cavernous catwalk which haunt the land over and anyone within ear shot of his screeches and wails.

He takes the stage with two fingers over his eyes as a makeshift mask. Peeking out at the audience through his Adam West-esque Batusi mask...the phantom of the opera of comedy begins his set and the audience witnesses a true Master in Action.

His shrill voice pierces the air as the wails of this phantom carry to the back of the theater like a crescendo of nails on a chalk board. The shrill yet steady wails subside as his voice magically transforms into that of a well known celebrity from the 80s. His impression is so on the mark and perfect...the audience is simply left stunned by this doppelganger's mimicry.

The phantom's voice is a matter-less ether that can metamorphasize itself into any celebrity who's ever lived. Seven times out of ten....you don't even know who the fuck that celebrity is and have to google them. The phantom can become Kevin McCarthy, Georgie Jessel, Robert Benchley, Lou Costello, Bella Lugosi....all at the drop of a hat.

His transmogrifications into deceased obscure celebrities is a phenomenon which both shocks and captivates audiences the world over.

The masterful performance of The Phantom of the Opera known as "Comedy" has him regarded by the audience as a craftsman and icon....as he bows to acknowledge their feverish cheers.


Battin' Cleanup: "King Arthur" Lange

The bases were loaded up as all the previous comedians all got on their figurative bases. Mike Ward came out to get the crowd pumped one more time...this time....for the cleanup hitter...the great Artie Lange.

Never afraid to speak his mind, the impeccable Artie takes swings at all kinds of jabronies....but most of all the "kids these days."

The template known as the "problem with kids these days" is a cherished tradition in the comedy world. Here is Jack Carter telling the world what was wrong with the kids of the 1960s:

Da Kids deeez days (circa 1960-something)


The kids of the 60s just danced around and annoyed people....they were dumb...but not even as close to as dumb as the kids DEEZ DAYS! Forget about it, the kids these days. They are all retarded and everyone hates them and we all know it but no one has the balls to tell the Kids These Days to fuck off and eat shit....but Artie has those balls....Artie Lange is made of fucking balls, man.

Montreal has a lot of those "kids these days" and many of them aren't even kids anymore...they grew up and moved to what they call "The Plateau" and they just hipster it up 24-7 while they talk about the latest ironic summer fashions. Artie can't handle these kids, he can't even stand them....and neither can I.

Artie, thinking aloud on stage, was wondering to himself and the audience how'd he'd explain today's world to his father if his dad could come back to life for one day. How would he explain the Kardashians and other modern mysteries to his dad?

"....Dad, you know that Olympic guy from the early eighties, that Bruce Jenner guy? Remember that guy? Well, he has a fucking pussy now...."
Haha. Artie brought the whole night together....and he's so quick and agile mentally that he managed to work in a shout out to Jimmy Carr and that unique style of his as Artie double topped the end to this joke ...complete with 3-4 left-to-right fast eye shifts.

He came in hitting cleanup with the bases loaded...and this veritable Babe Ruth of Comedy knocked it out of the park. Grand fuckin' Slam!

Haha, I think the bat connected to the sweet part of the figurative ball when he made me mentally picture Lamar Odom drinking a tall glass of frosty crack! Haha.

Final Rating: A+


Conclusion

All of them killed. Hilarious night, for real.

Friday, July 10, 2015

More Friggin' Water Numbers

I wroted an in-depther look at droughts n' water n' shit the other month....

Link to dat one: (http://writtting-d.blogspot.ca/2015/04/water-numbers.html)


This article today is going to be very short, it's just some more water quantity numbers to put things into perspective. In Canada right now in the West, B.C. to be exact, they are having drought troubles and the public is now "water shaming" each other and having anti bottled water protests and this and that...

Just to state for the record first off...I don't drink bottled water often, I don't purchase it, I feel the tap water in my area is decent and have no qualms about drinking it. I don't spend money on bottled water...I'm not sure I ever actually even have. I buy like Gatorade and Sugar-Waters though which is pretty much the same, I guess.

Anyways, just because I don't dig bottled water doesn't mean I hate it or am scared of it. There's areas in the world where water is not potable and drinkable to a great deal of people and when aid crews go to these regions they take water with them. I don't like bottled water but it does have its uses.

The point of this article will mainly be to persuade "water shamers" to stop bothering people they see washing dishes or using a hose...and also to show what percentage of water Bottled Water actually uses in BC.

This following graph is the QUANTITY OF FRESH WATER USAGE IN BC:


Note the term on the far right of the table, "Non-Consumptive", this means that the water is NOT CONSUMED and thus is returned as fresh water after the process of "use" is complete...therefore...all entries with a 100% non-consumptive value will be omitted for they don't actually use water they just borrow it for a bit and then put it back just like they got it.

So, the following users will be omitted because they don't use water technically: Power (hydro), Storage, Conservation, Fish Hatcheries.

Now the users who consume water are the following: Industry/Commerce/Mining/Petro, Waterworks for municipalities (waste-treatment/caca-stuff), Agriculture, Domestic (people washing dishes and shit).

TOTAL USAGE in the Province: ~6 million cubic decameters

Now let's prove the first point about water shaming first...


Water Shamin'? Go Fuck Yerself you Dumb Shamer, You.

Domestic Use in TOTAL accounts for 33,000 of the total 6 million. What percentage is that? It is 0.0055% of the total used.

Yes, 0.0055% of the total water consumed in BC.

Everyone doing their dishes, runnin' hoses, kool-aid jugs, etc. etc etc. does not even make up A HALF A PERCENT OF THE WATER THE PROVINCE USES! It doesn't even get to a half of a percent let alone 1%. Does that put it in perspective for you water shamers?

To be curt, if you shame someone over using their hose or making kool aid or something in their private time...that person you "shamed" over using some water should be allowed to kick you as hard as they can in the genitals.


Bottled Water: It's Stupid but is it really The Devil?

Alright....everyone is up in arms that retarded bottled water companies use 230 million liters of water per annum from the Fraser Valley. Where does that fit on the table....it fits in the Commercial field.

We must convert liters to cubic decameters to get the actual percentage....1 cubic decameter is 1 million liters.

230 million liters = 230 cubic decametres.

So out of the 6 million cubic decks consumed every year in BC....bottle water makes up...wait for it.....

0.000038%

Wow, what a BIG HUGE FUCKING DEAL....Let's all freak out over 0.000038% of total water usage.


Learn Math

You people taking pictures of your neighbors using their hose to spray dog poop off their drive way and uploading them to the internet like some sort of water-shaming militia in order to make your neighbor feel ashamed over using his/her hose....you people need to learn math.

You people calling Bottled Water the devil, I agree it's silly in most cases....but you people need to learn math, honestly.

If you know math you'd know that 0.0055% and 0.000038% are so miniscule that there really is no reason for you people to freak out.


Conclusion

Is there a water problem in the West Coast of North America and in some parts of the central areas? YES, there is. It is a serious problem that needs to be addressed.

Yet, unfortunately, the solutions proposed by many people to blame domestic and bottled water ARE NOT SOLUTIONS AT ALL and people pretending that water-shaming people over domestic use or protesting bottled water plants are the solutions....are so off base from reality that it's actually humorous.



EDIT: I know the USA government refers to the term "domestic use" as,

"Domestic water use is water used for indoor and outdoor household purposes— all the things you do at home: drinking, preparing food, bathing, washing clothes and dishes, brushing your teeth, watering the yard and garden, and even washing the dog."

I'm not 100% sure if Canada environment and statistic agencies refers to "domestic" in the same fashion. I can't find the definition for that term in any Canadian agencies information. I'm assuming it is using "domestic" with the same definition as the American agencies do....but I'm not like 100% sure on that.

It may be that residential usage has been recorded in "water works" as opposed to "domestic" if so then the % will indeed be higher yet if residential water use was lumped into "water works" then the exact amount of domestic use is not discernible.

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

The Diarrhea Tree

The other week I experimented with a form of writing called "Screen Play Ritin'" and it was fun. It was a projected-film called "The Rick Cerone Story".

Read that article here: http://writtting-d.blogspot.ca/2015/05/punchin-up-some-scripts.html

Punchin' up scripts is pretty fun, I must say. I'm gonna try another one, this next movie I've been thinking about lately is called "The Diarrhea Tree."

I can't think about this movie at work or in public because I start to laugh and people think I'm weird because I laugh for no reason. I only think about this movie while I'm at home, usually.

Since I'm gonna try and shop this script to movie houses to try and get it optioned, I won't be putting the whole script in here, just a synopsis, a brief a character list, and a few choice dialogue samples.


The Diarrhea Tree

This movie will have a point, it won't just be literally about a diarrhea tree. There's three points/messages that will be not-secret but two of the main points of this film will be left to the viewer to devise themselves.

Brief List:

Main Character: Dr. Delphinius Lorimar (phd)
Villain:  The Diarrhea Tree
Other Characters: Art faction, Religious faction, Hippie faction, other factions.

Main Themes: Don't Judge a Book by Its Cover, Aesthetic Values are Over-Rated, Science is Good, and two secret themes which won't be divulged.
Secondary Themes: Toilet Humor, Swearing

Setting: Earth in the Modern Times

Synopsis: One day a beautiful tree grows to be big, strong, and picture-esque-ingly beautiful. It is described by any who see it as "The Most Majestic Tree of All Time."

It is by all standards the most largest and by far most beautiful tree that has ever blossomed on earth. Long oak trunk, gorgeous multi-color leaves, various fruits and flowers bloom from its branches....it is the most incredible tree by a far and wide margin.

People come from all around the world to partake in gazing upon its majestic beauty with their humble eyes. It brings about feelings of euphoria by simply looking at this wondrous tree. It's so beautiful, my gosh.

People start to write poems about its beauty...and scholars attempt to understand the Tree. Everyone seems to have a different theory as to where it came from, what it means/represents, and what its purpose on this planet is. All sorts of factions of humans develop theories on the origins and importance of the Tree.

The religious community sees it as a gift from God, a bountiful Tree sent to earth by God to nourish and feed God's children.

The artistic community views its aesthetic qualities as being the greatest work of art of all time, they gush and rave about the aesthetic virtues of the Tree.

The Hippie community views the Tree as "Mother Earth" herself...the protector of all Earth...they name it "Yggdrasil" and vow to protect this Tree for it is their God.

Yet one man simply cannot wrap his head around how everyone is losin' their shit over this one dumb ol' tree. This man is Doctor Delphinius Lorimar....a man of the science. He takes it upon himself to study this natural wonder and what he finds is a shock to both himself and the audience....

...the Tree is a god damn Diarrhea Tree!

The tree consumes the fruit it produces and also consumes small animals who nest/habitat in it. The inside of the tree is a biological intestine which converts what it consumes into....the most pungent and horrific waste by-product ever seen/smelt. The Tree is infinitely growing, consuming, and shitting TONS and GALLONS of dairrhea into the earth under it. An underground RIVER of DIARRHEA is brewing and roiling in the depths of the earth as the roots of the Tree pour diarrhea deep into the earth's crust....turning planet earth into some sort of giant septic tank.

Delphinius Lorimar predicts that if the gigantic Tree continues to grow, consume, and shit at this rate...It will drown the earth in a deluge of Diarrhea. Raging torrents of shit covering the entire earth and drowning all human and animal life. Not even fish will survive the Diarrhea Deluge...all life except for stupid bugs and e-coli will DIE.

Our hero tries to warn the world leaders and all the factions... he implores them to destroy the Tree but it is viewed as a symbol of hope and comfort by all of the humans of earth by this point. Delphinius Lorimar is the only man who has a negative view of the Diarrhea Tree....and thus....is sentenced to life in prison.

There are two possible endings to this film:

A) When the Diarrhea Deluge occurs, the world leaders of all the factions come to Lorimar's cell and beg him to stop the shit flood....but Delphinius is adamant about letting humanity reap what it deserves. Their stupidity and love of aesthetic values will be the death of all humans...and for locking him up in that cold cell...Lorimar is happy to watch all of life (including himself) perish. I call this "The I Told You So" ending.

B) All the world faction leaders come to Delphinius Lorimar's cell and implore him to stop the Diarrhea Deluge caused by the Tree....and he busts out of the cell....grabs a rocket launcher and single handedly destroys that god damned fucking Diarrhea Tree ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!!! I call this the "Bad Ass Ending".


Delphinius Lorimar

If we go with the crappier I Told You So ending I think some straight-laced guy should play this role, like a William Hurt or a Ray Walston-type would be good....someone like that.

Dr. Delphinius Lorimar
If we go with the much cooler Bad Ass ending...then the person best suited to play Delphinius Lorimar is Terry Crews....he'd make a great Diarrhea Tree Killing Machine.

I doubt this film will ever get optioned and made by someone...but I actually think Terry Crews would get the Oscar for this role. I know it sounds weird and stupid...but it's actually a very deep and symbolic film.

Note: Since the two names of this character aren't standard first or last names they can be reciprocated if need be. The character could be called Dr. Lorimar Delphinius as well...which ever one sounds better, really.


Sample Dialogue

-Sample 1

This scene is Lorimar trying to convince one of the factions, the hippie faction, that this tree is gross and stupid...


Dr. Delphinius Lorimar: That Tree 'aint no GOD! That's a mother fucking DIARRHEA TREE, BITCH!

Soleil Moon-Wagon:
Excuse me? Don't talk about me or Yggdrasil in that fashion...it is a hate crime.

Dr. Delphinius Lorimar:
You wanna know what a real hate-crime is?

Soleil Moon-Wagon:
What?

Dr. Delphinius Lorimar:
An unquenchable roaring storm of diarrhea raining down on the earth!

Soleil Moon-Wagon:
This is making me sick! Go away you vulgar man!

Dr. Delphinius Lorimar:
Damn it! All our lives depend on DESTROYING THAT MUTHA FUCKING DIARRHEA TREEEEEE!

Soleil Moon-Wagon:
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!



-Sample 2:

In this sample scene, the leader of the religious faction comes to tell the tree that Delphinius has been sentenced to life in prison for hatin' on the tree. Yet the jokes on him as he takes a fruit and eats it....

Reverend Wilson Brand: Oh bountiful gift from god...I have come to inform you that the horrible man who blashpemed against you has finally been silenced. His hateful words will no longer spoil your majestic reverence...oh tree of trees.

Tree:
.....

Reverend Wilson Brand:
You giveth us this day, our daily bread. We thank God for giving you to us. Your fruit....your nourishment. You are truly a saving grace, tree.

Tree:
....

Reverend Wilson Brand:
I feel silly talking to a tree....yet I know you are a message from God, and I know through you....tree...God can hear my prayers for the dead and for the living.

Tree:
....

Reverend Wilson Brand:
Grace be to you...please God, let me taste your bountiful goodness. Let your sheep, your child, taste the fruit of your benevolent love, my Lord.

Tree:
....

Reverend Wilson Brand (takes apple):
Such perfect red hue on this apple, Oh lord. Your creations are perfection. Thanks be to thee. Let me take a bite of your benevolent and reverent sustenance.

Tree:
...

Reverend Wilson Brand (bites apple):
GRRrrrhgrhrghrgrhgrhr. Pew, pew! YUCK! This apple! This apple.....this apple.....

Tree:
....

Reverend Wilson Brand: THIS APPLE TASTES LIKE SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-IT!



-Sample 3:
This is a short dialogue from the Bad Ass Ending where Terry Crews....I mean Delphinius Lorimar is let out of his prison cell at last.

Dr. Delphinius Lorimar: Well, well, well...if it isn't the President himself. Come to laugh and ridicule me as I rot in this cell? 


President Archibald Amsterdam: No Doctor, we need you.

Dr. Delphinius Lorimar: Need me? Lemme guess...that son-of-a-bitch Diarrhea Tree is diarrhea-ing all over your fucking place isn't it?


President Archibald Amsterdam: .....................Yes. 

Dr. Delphinius Lorimar: HAHAHA! Now gimme one good reason why I should help you bitch ass pieces of garbage after all y'all mother fucking bitch ass fuckers locked me up in here AND THREW AWAY THE KEY!!!


President Archibald Amsterdam: Please Doc, I'm sorry, we were wrong to shun you....you were right....right about everything...the floods of Diarrhea...the rains and rains of unending Diarrhea....Diarrhea is.....everywhere.  


Dr. Delphinius Lorimar: Good! YOU ALL DESERVE IT! YOU ALL DESERVE TO DROWN IN THAT DIARRHEA YOU DUMB FUCKING ASSHOLES!


President Archibald Amsterdam: Doc, I know we doubted you and laughed at you....and even put you in prison for blasphemy against the Tree....but we were wrong...that thing is nothing but a god forsaken Diarrhea hemorrhaging shit tree. You're the only one who knows the biology of that Diarrhea Tree....you're the only one who can stop it.


Dr. Delphinius Lorimar: Get me my rocket launcher.....before I slap you in your stupid mouth. I gotta Diarrhea Tree to take out and a Death Wish, Mr. President.


President Archibald Amsterdam: Del, thank you.


Conclusion

After thoroughly weakening that no-good Diarrhea Tree with an array of deadly missiles from his rocket launcher, Delphinius is shocked to see it still standing. With his last bit of strength after giving it his all to destroy that piece of shit Tree....he grabs it by the trunk, and similar to Lu Da in Outlaws of the Marsh when Lu uproots the willow tree....Delphinius uproots the Diarrhea Tree and TEARS IT OUT FROM THE GROUND SCREAMING AND CURSING AS HE THROWS IT LIKE A CABER TOSS!!!!!!!!!!

....The world is saved. See you in hell you fucking Diarrhea Tree!

Up-Rootin' Trees with your Bare Hands is Cool....

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Re-Visting QPE

Back in 2011, I composed a silly essay called "The Science Behind Why Bad Movies are Good"...

You can read that here: (http://writtting-d.blogspot.ca/2011/09/science-behind-why-bad-movies-are-good.html)

The QPE stat tried to derive the enjoyability level of a film by the simple metric of Quality - Pretentiousness = Enjoyability. It's a silly essay but I was dead serious about that algorithm and I still am dead serious about that movie-rating metric.

O-K, I am going to present a new graph now to try and further understand why Bad Movies are Good. I call this the Hooked-U graph, observe it, and then read my rationalizations behind it below.

The "Hooked U" Diagram
The X-Axis is how STUPID a movie is and the Y-axis is how GOOD a movie is. As you'll notice the non-stupid movies are good and then as the STUPIDNESS increases the GOODNESS gradually is reduced...yet wait....it seems as a film gets very stupid the GOODNESS starts to Re-Increase. But how? But why?

The following numbers represent the following films on the graph:

1. Citizen Kane
2. Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen
3. Street Fighter: The Movie (Starring Raul Julia as M.Bison)
4. Dolemite: The Human Tornado
5. ? Theoretical Greatest Movie of All Time ?

Do the plotting of the 5 example movies help you to understand? Basically a movie is good until it gets stupid....BUT....if it gets VERY VERY VERY STUPID....then it starts to rule. Going from left to right on the graph: Citizen Kane is a great film and isn't stupid, Transformers 2 sucks and is stupid, Raul Julia's masterpiece Street Fighter: The Movie, as you can see, is starting to get so stupid that it's actually kind of cool....then Human Tornado, as you can plainly see, is a better movie than Citizen Kane....and then finally comes the mysterious "5!".

The fish-hook at the end of the U is the legendary fish-hook which theoretically represents the greatest movie of all time. This is only theoretical and no movie has EVER claimed the top pinnacle of the fish hook which extends off the U-graph.

The fish hook pinnacle was thought to be only theoretical....but.........Is it really just an unachievable benchmark?

....Or is there someone out there who can make a movie so Cool that it hooks onto the 5-slot fish hook on that U-Graph?


Girl, We Need Some Action!


Dominos falling,
Riots in the streets,
baby this time there's no retreat,
there's no surrender

A devil is rising,
a shadow from the past,
feeding the flames,
the fire on the edge of fury

Out of time,
running in and out of time,
hear the ticking on the countdown clock tonight

Girl we need some, Girl we need some

Action, if we gonna make it like a true survivor
We need some action,
if we wanna take our love away from here
We need a - living passion,
to believe in, burning hearts and a brand new feeling

Calling from the ashes
The phoenix rises again
Fighting for life, for good,
For all that we believe in

Girl we need some, Girl we need some

Action, if we gonna make it like a true survivor
We need some action,
if we wanna take our love away from here
We need a - living passion,
to believe in, burning hearts and a brand new feeling

The hero stands alone
When all is said and done
The enemies are falling one by one
 

Out of time,
running in and out of time,
hear the ticking on the countdown clock tonight

Girl we need some, Girl we need some

Actiiiiioooooooooooooooooooooooon!

Action!

Action, if we gonna make it like a true survivor
We need some action,
if we wanna take our love away from here
We need a - living passion,
to believe in, burning hearts and a brand new feeling

if we gonna make it like a true survivor...





YEAAAAAAAAH!


Kung Fury: The Chosen One?

Everyone in movie circles knows the hook-on-the-u five-slot is just a myth, nothing more, nothing less. People at the American Film Institute have even literally confirmed that the 5-slot on the U-Graph is just a bench mark that is not actually achievable and it just exists to help young film makers aspire for an unattainable greatness to keep people motivated to seek a career in the arts.

Yeah fucking right!

Everyone in "movie circles" sucks bums and the AFI is stupid n' dumb. The 5-slot is attainable...and you know why.....?

.....Because some Swedish guy just attained it....THAT'S WHY! 

YES! YES! YES! YES! YEEEEEEES! YEAAAAAH!

Kung Fury is the King of Movies as it sits on the absolute pinnacle of the hook on the U in the Hooked-U graph looking down at other movies and wondering why they suck so much....there's no IFS ANDS ORS BUTS OR ANYTHING ABOUT THAT.

The Greatest Movie of All Time isn't a myth anymore...it's a reality...so get fucking used to it.


Conclusion

YES!


YES!


I WANT A LIVING PASSION 2 BELIEVE IN!
I WANNA BRAND NEW FEEEEELIN' !!!!!

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

The Race to Become the First-Ever Female Human to play Major League Baseball....The Heat Shall be ON.

Out of all the major North American sports, baseball, is by far the most gentlemanly of the bunch. Just to be sure let's list the concussion rates for all the sports. (concussion rates from the CDC).

These rates are per 1000 "athletic exposures" which I assume means a "game" basically.


1. Football (American): 64-79 concussions
2. Hockey: ~54 concussions
3. Soccer/Football (Euro-Style): ~20
4. Basketball: 16-20
5. Baseball: 4-5

So, out of the big deal sports....baseball only generates 4-5 concussions per 1000 games. Now, I can only think of a few situations where massive contact happens in baseball and it's mainly catcher-runovers, fielder collisions, fastballs up-and-in, and a few other situations.

For good measure let's put the concussion rate recorded for Cheerleading (the sexy womens who bounce around and flop around at football games and stuff)....

Cheer Leading: 11-15

Cheer leading, when they throw those chicks around and they land on their skulls and this and that...actually causes more concussions than baseball does.

Where am I going with this, you ask...well, if you haven't divined it from the title of the article yet....I'm going to suggest that baseball might be the only major sport ever that will at some point have a female human playing on the same field with male humans.

All the other sports are very combative, full contact, and highly physical events. However, baseball is very individualistic, pitcher vs. batter, a non-contact game that only in very rare circumstances becomes mano-y-mano and dangerous.

The BIGGEST hang-up for women entering baseball to occur really has to do with pitching inside. Pitchers and batters constantly battle over who owns the inside portion of the plate. Batters may lean in like that Carl Everett used to do and willingly get hit by a pitch....and pitchers will "brush back" the hitters to regain control of that meaty part of the strike zone. This war over the inside portion of home plate leads to most if not ALL the bench clearing ultra-violent brawls in Major League Baseball.

Now, look...say a woman pitcher hits a heavy-leanin' Carl Everett type hitter to brush him off...and this will likely occur....what would happen? A player uses the "charge the mound" technique to let a pitcher know not to throw so close to him next time he's up....so....what if a batter charges a female pitcher? This becomes murky waters now and really causes problems. No man would want to be known as the guy who charged and tried to punch a chick in the face.....so yeah, this is a big problem.

Similarly, if a female is hitting and the male pitcher wants to declare or re-declare the inside portion of the plate and whips one inside...now let's say the female hitter gets incensed and charges the male pitcher. What is the man gonna do just stand there and let her punch him? No, he would have to defend himself. People got on Pedro's case for example when that old 70+ year old Gerbil charged him...but what was Pedro gonna do? Just let Zimmer punch him in the face? No, that's crazy.

For this women in baseball situation to work, the one thing MLB would have to do is declare a NO BRAWLS rule whilst a female is batting and/or pitching and if a brawl does break out both players will be suspended for a complete season...the man and the woman. Thus, chances are this situation would never take place in a future circumstance.

Okay......so, technically with one rule change....yes a female baseball player at the MLB level could feasibly exist without issue at some point in the future.


History
The lady that struck out Babe Ruth

Jackie Mitchell (right)
Legend has it that at an exhibition-style event in the olden times....a lady named Jackie Mitchell struck out Babe Ruth. So, due to this feat women in baseball have some history to work with, I'd say. How gimmicky this event was cannot be determined, was it a gag? A show? A shtick....or was it a serious event? Who knows...but it is recorded in history, legend or not, that one Jackie Mitchell struck out Babe Ruth and maybe Lou Gehrig too.

I'm not sure what Mitchell threw, what kind of pitches, and how fast....but at least this event stands as a sort of point of historical departure...and thusly....makes nay-sayers find that this idea isn't all that crazy.

Obviously, olden time baseball was pretty gimmicky. Everyone knows about Bill Veeck, for instance, sneaking a midget past league officials onto his roster and getting that midget Eddie Gaedel in to pinch hit in an official game. This Jackie Mitchell exhibition was likely pretty gimmicky as well and shouldn't be taken super seriously.


...But Seriously
Can a female in the present and near-future era become a Major League Baseball Player?

Gimmicks aside, is there a woman who is skilled enough at baseball to compete, 100% not gimmickly, with male humans at the most elite of human levels?

For a pitcher you'd need someone with enough arm strength to powerfully supinate thousands of arm motions per year. The only people who can do this are masochists, literally, that's the only people who can supinate vigorous arm motions constantly...total masochists. Not to be sexist...but are there that many women out there who can handle a major league pitcher's life style? I'm not so sure.

Eri Yoshida - Oneesan
In an article a long time ago I mentioned that Eri Yoshida would be a good candidate because she throws knuckle balls and those pitches don't strain the arm. Knuckle ballers in the big league cruise around well past their early thirties and have way less arm trouble than conventional pitching styles. Hoyt Wilhelm for example threw those junk balls in the majors (in the pre-steroid era) until he was 49 years old. Knuckle balls are a technique pitch that break 1.5 times making it difficult for hitters to adjust. If a woman could master the knuckle ball, like Eri Yoshida was attempting, then I think they could bypass the arm damage problem entirely.

Another idea to bypass arm damage could be instead of training young female pitchers to supinate their arm release action pitches...they should be trained to powerfully pronate their arm release action as suggested by Mike Marshall.

What is supination and pronation? Take your right hand, turn your thumb all the way to the right, and now punch your arm forward with that right thumb pointing as hard you can to the right. How did it feel? Now, take your arm back, turn that same thumb down this time towards yourself and point it to the ground and punch fastly forward again. Which punch felt more normal? When the thumb was out or in?

Basically the first punch with the thumb "out" was Supination....the second punch with the thumb "in" was Pronation. So what is pronation? It's a simple technique to not destroy your elbow and shoulder while you throw baseballs a multitude of times ad nauseam (amongst other things).

If a young female can be taught pronation pitches....I believe that woman could theoretically throw a series of elite-caliber pitches without causing excess damage to her body.

Mo "Money" Ne Davis
Personally, I think this is very feasible. Take someone right now with EXTREME talent, say, Mo'Ne Ikea Davis (that girl who was smokin' kids at the Little League World Series). Take someone with that Soul Intensity, Desire to Win, and Talent....and teach that kid a minimum of 3 pronation pitches to add to her arsenal and I believe she can develop into a major league pitcher. I'm soundly convinced of that...but only if she adds pronation pitches to her arsenal and uses those 80-90% of the throws she makes.

Look, there's very few knuckle ballers who can master that pitch to the point where they can have good ERAs at the Major League level. A more conventional pitcher like Mo'Ne may have better odds to make it. I think it would be a good idea for her coaches to experiment with pronation style pitches to maximize her development.

France's Melissa Mayeux
What about hitters and fielders? Maybe the first woman player can be someone who doesn't have to deal with the rigorous lifestyle of a pitcher. The main candidate at this point for the most developed hitting and fielding prospect is, as everyone knows right now, France's phenom Melissa Mayeux who is the first female ever in history to be added into the scouts master database and is legally allowed to sign a professional contract at the Major League level.

She's not big, she looks like a female version of Dustin Pedroia, short but athletic build, good fielder, good contact hitter.

In this post-steroid era we are going to see a return to center where a lot of the massive bodies are gonna slow down and we're gonna see a game more like the old days again.

I remember guys like the Craig Grebecks, the Jeff Reboulets, the Mike "Mad Dog" Mordecais, Andy Stankiewitzes, John Cangelosi types and guys like that...guys who were like 160 pounds (at the most) having spots on major league rosters. There's quite a few woman athletes who are bigger than those guys so it's not far fetched that the benches of the future could be filled with slick fielding chicks and slap hitting womens.

There's room for about 6 or 7 reserves on a Major League bench...you want players on your bench who have good fundamentals and a variety of tools you can use situationally. Even if a player excels in only ONE of the FIVE tools a player needs they can find a bench job. Can you run fast? You can be a pinch runner like a Larry Lintz. Can you field a difficult position like shortstop well? Then you can find a job on a bench somewhere. Can you get hits or walks or bunt? That's a skill managers need on their bench.

I'm sure there's females out there who can either run, field, or hit at a level where they could be very useful in a reserve role. Mentioning Pedroia before....even if you're 170 pounds you can become an All-Star like he did if you hone your fundamentals correctly.

Who Will it Be?

Will it be a junky-style Knuckle Baller like Eri Yoshida? I heard she's training with Tim Wakefield to further master the pitch.

Will it be a highly talented pitcher like Mo'Ne Davis? With the right coaches teaching her pitches that won't kill her small frame...it's possible.

Will it be a role-player type slick fielder, pinch hitter, pinch runner type? A kind of Munenori Kawaski style player? Could be, I don't see why not....some of the builds of baseball players over the years who've made major league rosters thanks to hard work and skill honing have been very small. Craig Grebeck was listed as 5'8 and 160 pounds in the media books and those are always 2 inches over and 10 pounds more...so he was likely 5 foot 6 and 150 pounds that Craig Grebeck...no doubt. You don't need to be a behemoth to make a roster in MLB. It could be someone like Melissa Mayeux who I heard is honing her skills with Baseball Masters such as Barry Larkin, Steve Finley, and Steve Jeltz.

I think Mo'Ne would be interesting because she was such a huge news item. Her coaches should be in correspondence with Mike Marshall if I were them....asking what kind of pronation pitches would be ideal for her frame to work with.

Conclusion

Out of all sports, due to baseball's low concussion rates, it is the only sport which may be infiltrated by females and the year it'll happen is drawing closer....2020? Could be.

Monday, June 15, 2015

Bees

Everybody these days is talking about bees all the time. Everything is "bees this" and then "bees that" everybody is up in the club talking bees like there's no tomorrow. Are they going extinct? Can we live without bees? Will they sting us?

I've been readin' so much about bees these last few weeks, I better commit my thoughts on Bees to text before I forget all the shit I read about those little stingy bastards.

The sections of this aritcle will be the following:

1. What are Bees?
2. My experiences in my lifetime with Bees
3. Are Bees going extinct?
4. Can we live without the Bees?

Okay, let's go.

What are Bees?

Closest-packed Hexagonal Structure
Bees are an insect society with a hierarchy. There's a Queen bee and then there's worker bees. Bees deal a lot in flowers and dig pollen. They carry pollen around on themselves and pollinate flowers. Flowers need pollen to reproduce and bees buzzin' around going from flower to flower pollinates them up good.

Many fruit bearing trees and vegetables rely on pollination to produce edible foodstuffs for humans. So we should be thankful that bees buzz around helping flowers mate and make edible products for us to consume.

Bees also hang out in cool Hives. These hives are serieses of closest-packed hexagons which in tandem with each other create literal domes where they habitat themselves. Bees don't have mathematic or geometric axioms to draw from...they just create these hexagonal dome-like structures from instinct which is pretty cool actually. Humans deal mostly in squares and cubes when building structures and rarely build with the same architectural ingenuity as Bees do. Their structures are brilliant designs and Bees just make them by instinct alone...they've never read a math book, geometry book, or architect book....they just do the do. I respect that shit a lot.

In these hives they produce a sugar-substance known as honey...humans love this shit too. Lots of bee keepers who have hives harvest the bee sugar to sell it.

I see a lot of Naturo-Bozo-Clowns saying honey is super healthy compared to table sugar...but they are retarded. For every 100 grams of honey there's 82 grams of sugar in it. People are like "but it's natural sugar tho!" and those people are mentally crippled of any intelligence and should go fuck themselves. I hate people who think honey is a healthy alternative to sugar...it's got 82 grams of sugar per 100 grams! Can you fuckers fucking read!? What the fuck?

Bees have a natural defense spear on their ass that sting the fuck outta you too.

Bottom line on these spear-assed disco-sadistic suckers: They are great architects, who help flowers mate, and their goop can be eaten because it's sweet and tasty.


My Experiences with Bees

I'm not scared of these little sons-of-bitches. I respect the shit out of the mother fuckers and their closest-packed hexagonal dome-like structures yet if these whores try to sting me in the face or in the nose or in the ass...they are gonna get fucked up hard-core.

I don't really care about getting stunged, it's not like I'm allergic but if they come near me looking like they wanna sting me up the nose...I pull karate-kid moves on them...and smush them between my index/middle finger and thumb. Sometimes they sting my thumb on the way out but fuck them for fucking with me, man.

Get that thing away from me you dumb bee!
If they just flying around and chilling then fine but if they start buzzing around and trying to sting me then all bets are off, you Bees. I 'aint playing'...I 'aint even playin'.

I never clap to kill 'em just chopstick 'em with my index-middle and thumb fingers because it looks and feels cooler.

Other than the dumb ones...I love and respect the Bees. Most Bees are helpful and respectful members of society...but the ones who go around flailing that ass-spear like it's a god-damn switch-blade can honestly go eat shit and die.



Are Bees Going Extinct?

With climate temperatures changing, possibly some pesticides, and viral infections...many speculate that Bees are going extinct.

People who study bees are actually finding that their numbers are not exactly dropping. It was just one study which didn't take into account new members being born in the hives that fed erroneous data into a lot of articles written about bees these days. The lifespan of a Bee is 6 month to 2 years on average....so yeah...if the guy tagged a bunch of bees and they all died then yes the numbers would appear to go down. You have to measure the population of the Hive and not the Bees individually because their life spans are not long enough to go the individual route. Babies are born in the Hives to replace the Bees that die...so most studies are not showing a decline in Bees populations....but only the dumb one that didn't count baby bees born in the Hives.

The three factors that can kill bees should be taken seriously though. Altering temperatures seems to always have an impact on animal and insect life. Secondly, pesticides can kill bees....and thirdly when Hivers take their hives to California for the big pollination season viruses can spread. All over the North America people fly their bee hives to California for the pollination season for big bucks and yes viruses do spread at these big pollination parties.

As of this moment, Bees seem to be okay. If temperatures alter big time, a new pesticide isn't bee friendly, or a viral infection takes hold big-time then the bees will be in for trouble but data for now shows that Bees are pretty much okay.

Conspiracy theorists and certain more Naturo-Bozo themed sites seem to think not only are Bees going extinct but they will take us down with them. Well, no....not exactly, or well, not at all really....


Can We Live Without The Bees?

Conspiracy and "Natural" themed sites are predicting apocalypse for a Bee-less future....yet is that true? Yes bees do pollinate flowers and some flowers do produce fruit. Does that mean without Bees that we couldn't eat? No it doesn't.

List: What foods are pollinated by Bees

In that list we see that many of these crops are in the "cash crop" domain and not the sustenance domain. Rice is not in that list and rice is the foodstuff which feeds the most people on earth on this moment.

Even if Bees did go extinct from climate change, a mass virus, or a wickedly negligent pesticide...would we lose apples n' walnuts and other foods for ever and ever? No, we wouldn't.

China for instance doesn't pollinate with bees...they pollinate their flowers by hand. Similar to what this guy is doing, Observe:


You can take a q-tip or tooth brush and pollinate flowers no problem. Not to be rude to bees, I love and respect those honey-making geodesic dome makin' bastards, but they are actually pretty bad at pollination. They do it by accident mainly when they go from flower to flower...it's not like they have a memo from humans telling them which flowers to pollinate. Humans on the other hand know exactly which flowers they want to pollinate and they do it. This actually creates jobs for people and leads to HIGHER crop yields.

Why? Because it turns out humans are better at pollinating then those jabroni Bees are at it. Go figure....it's 100% true though.

Conclusion

So are Bees going extinct? No, climate change is their biggest threat BY FAR and it is possible for climate change to alter bees lifestyle to the point of destruction...but even in that worst case scenario apples and other foods would NOT go extinct with them due to humans being able to pollinate crops at better efficiency than Bees can anyway.

Bees are very cool, they are great at building things, making sweet goop to eat, and helping flowers bloom....but let's not go over-board with these Bee-Spiracies okay?

Death of Bees ≠ Death of Humans

Also as it stands right now, Bee populations are not dropping as many people seem to be claiming. In fact most studies claim to show Bees population increasing.

Ok, that's enough about Bees.

The Nintendo World Championships of 2015 Declares to the World who is The People's Champion

I write about video games from time to time. I don't play a lot of new-age mumbo-jumbo video games but I still dabble in the old shit now and then. I wrote about video games 3 or 4 times I think, specifically these two are on matters concerning my thoughts on retro video gamery and it's competitive nature:

1. Good (and more importantly free games) on the Old Internet
2. Is there a Market for Competitive Retro Gaming?

Sometimes I think people read these articles I write because the 2015 World Video Game Championship's final round to decide the Nintendo Champion of the World was a series of hacked Mario levels made by programmers on a new game called "Mario Maker" and it had a severe retro feel to it (the era of NES and SNES).

I didn't hear about this event until I saw a few celebrities social media-ing about it (namely Fred Savage and Andrew Gardikis). Looking a few weeks ago about what this event was gonna be...it looked dumb...the games were all new age party games and it didn't seem that any retro shit was on the table. I watched the event anyhow the other day and lo-n-b-hold in the final event was a Competitive Retro Mario heaven, you can see it in its entirety here:


 The Hard-Ass Hacked-up Mario Levelz start at around he 3 and a half hour mark.


Just like in the film "The Wizard" starring Fred Savage and that kid who wants to go to California (and who then in another film became the 12 year old coach of the Minnesota Twins baseball club) where the final test of the Nintendo Tournament of Champions was a "new game"  the public had never seen before...the final round at the 2015 tourney was a set of Mario levels that NO ONE has ever had any practice with.

In the Wizard film of the 80s, our hero Little Jimmy rises to the challenge of learning a "new game" on the fly and adapts to his circumstances quickly to be crowned Champion of Nintendo. Similarly in the real life tournament the other day....the two finalists, Mr. Johnny Numbers and Cosmo Wright had to adapt to a new set of levels they never played and they'd need to adapt and make the adjustment to these new levels quickly if they wanted to come out on top.
Shigeru Miyamoto (left) John Goldberg (right)

In the end it was Johnny Numbers who's brain could could adjust quickly to the levels and figure how to finish them. He was able to enter the respective programmers brains and unravel the mysteries of these difficult Mario levels. People think, "whatever", but to be challenged with hard Mario levels you've never seen before and make that mental adjustment on the fly is actually very difficult. Numbers was able to make the adjustment, get to end of it all, drop that axe sealing Bowser's fate...and in turn sealing his fate as the People's Champion.

There's something so right about watching people compete at vintage Mario. It's a test of smarts, reflexes, adaptability, dealing with pressure, and so much more. It's more difficult than it looks. This was an intense competition by all standards measured, there's no doubt about it.

Congratulations to John Goldberg AKA Johnny Numbers for being crowned the King of Mario for the whole entire World to see!

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Writin' bout' War (What is it Good for? Something?)

There's a lot of war literature that has been written over the years, I'm not talking about like histories or things like that, I mean fictional data that is based on the tragedy of War.

Out of all of it ever written....you can actually divide ALL war fiction material into TWO categories. The first being "romance war books" and the other category being "un-romanced war books."

I know it is brazen to divide every single fictional piece of data written on wars into two polarized categories...but unfortunately it is true.

Firstly, Romance War literature regards the domain of Good Guys versus Bad Guys and promotes a "ra-ra-ra-Go-Team" sort of theme behind it. Some romantic war books are so sappy they feature Fencers who have a rose in their mouth at all times while conducting these super-fun nobleman wars. They feature characters that you wouldn't exactly find on a battle field in reality. These pieces of literature present war as a fun activity that is noble/heroic/right as the heroes defeat the villains.

Examples of Romance War book are the Epic of Gilgamesh where the noble King Gilgamesh defeats his enemies and saves his people from a flood (this story was re-worked into the bible/kuran), or War of the Roses...a highly pompous regaled affair about who gets to sit on the Throne of England. The most widely-read Romance War book of all time is Three Kingdoms which details the War-Triangle (as opposed to the Love-Triangle writing tool) between the regal Liu Bei and his foes Cao Cao and Sun Jian.

Romanced War books Main Textile: War is a heroic, noble, and pretty fun little game.


Secondly, the other polarized group of war fiction data is Un-Romanced war pieces. These tend to present the topic of war as un-heroic, disgusting, wrong, insane, and bad. You're not gonna have too much ra-ra-ra cheerleading in these...and when you're done reading them you're gonna walk away from it feeling quite depressed and even queasy. This may not be as fun, or pump-up-able as a Romance War book but these Un-Romanced books are aiming to be more realistic. They don't want to get you pumped over war....at all. They want you to have a negative opinion on war.

We're going to look at a few good examples of these in depth in the second section of the article. Just to throw out a few now....a good modern day example is something like Full Metal Jacket where the "heroes" aren't really heroes...they are unbalanced weirdoes who are thrust into a situation they can barely even function in and try their best to kill before being killed. There's nothing very heroic about the "heroes" of Full Metal Jacket. Another good example is the Japanese film Grave of the Fireflies....which depicts two Japanese orphans during WWII and it is probably like the saddest friggin' movie anyone's ever made. Those two japanese kids did not have a good n' fun time in that war movie that's for sure. Those two kids had no fun at all in that war movie.

Non-Romance War books Main Textile: War really sucks, it's gruesome, devastating, awful, terrible, and just simply no fun what-so-ever.


Mind Set of the Writers

When reading old fiction datum it is fun to try and think of what the writer/composer of the text had going through their mind at the time. I do honestly think, the Romance War books, are written by a certain subset of the given era's population which were probably of a very privileged background.

I was sitting in this building once, I forget why I was there, to deliver something I think for some job I was doing, and this building was the Black Watch "armory" in Montreal. It's called an armory but it's more of a little lounge-club for older military types to hang out at. I saw a documentary once called, The Valour and the Horror, which claims that the Black Watch contingent came into the new-era World War back in the day very unprepared for WWII and marched up to the enemy's new-age firearms (gatling guns) and were just mowed down, yet the general told them that real men don't retreat, so they all marched proudly into the bullets to be mowed down one by one. I don't know if that account is true but this is what that movie claims...I think it's maybe exaggerated a bit.

Anyways, in the Black Watch building I was in a few years ago, I saw a painting hanging in the main room over the fireplace which made me think twice about that Valor and Horror movie....it was a portrait of Prince Charles (yes the dopey Prince there who does the homeopathy talks and has no use/function in life that you see on TV all the time)...it was a portrait of Prince Charles on a war steed with a glorious sabre....and I thought to myself...this is the dumbest thing I've ever seen in my life. This portrait of Prince Charles depicted this way is absurd.

That portrait really made me remember that scene in Valor and Horror where they claim the Black Watch was a group of unprepared children ordered to walk into gun fire by their officers and die like cannon fodder. The portrait of Prince Charles on that horse with that sabre was so odd looking that it made me really start to honestly question whether the claim made in that film might be true. Because something about that little military lounge was just downright silly.

I believe the mindset of writers who write Romance War novels are the same type who can commission a portrait of Prince Charles on a steed with a sabre and not laugh at that when it's completed. They can look at a painting like that and think of Heroism and Ra-Ra-Ra whilst looking at Prince Charles depicted as a war hero.....but honestly, who can take a painting like that seriously? You need to be a special kind of retard to not laugh at a painting like that.

With regards to Writers of Un-Romanced War fiction, I think they have a far more realistic view of what war is actually about than the Romance people do. That's pretty much a fact.

The case of Three Kingdoms is interesting though. There's theories in China that Luo GuanZhong was commissioned by the government to write that and after he was done he was angry about what they made him write....so he wrote Outlaws of The Marsh (a story about bandits uniting together and fighting government officials) under a pseudonym years later in his life. I think that's a common theory now-a-days actually in China. The current form of Outlaws is pretty Romanced but it is suspected by Chinese Historians to have been heavily edited and believed in its original manuscript to be a very a Un-Romanced style work.


Choice Examples of Un-Romanced War Media

Okay, it's not that I want to spend more time on Un-Romanced works than Romance works and I don't necessarily think Un-Romanced is better. I mean, Three Kingdoms is still one of the most well crafted texts I've ever seen in my life....but I think in this day and age it is more normal to write Un-Romanced for sure. Romance War media is seen a sort of odd and out of place now. Like a modern Romance War movie like Black Hawk Down for instance is one of the most terrible films I've ever seen. It's this ra-ra-ra go-team movie about War-Boys fighting hordes and hordes of ravenous Africans...Black Hawk Down is almost like a zombie movie...it's fucking atrocious. Romance war movies really don't seem normal in this era, I find. The African people they were fighting didn't even have personalities...it was like the heroes were fighting monsters. It felt like a propaganda movie from the 1930s or something that Black Hawk Down. Romance War media really does seem odd in this modern era.

These next examples are good examples of Un-Romanced War fiction.


  

1. Johnny Got His Gun (by Dalton Trumbo)

This book is about a guy who got blowed up in the war and lays in a hospital bed for an entire book just thinking about stuff. He has no legs, no arms, no hands, no feet, no ears, no eyes, no nose, no nothing but a brain and a chest and some organs.

They keep him alive with tubes and liquids and stuff and he just lies in bed....thinkin' 'bout stuff....like his past, his old jobs, his old friends, his old love. Things like that. He never thinks with punctuation though. Just periods. Never any dumb commas or stupid things like that. He only needs periods really this guy. He has no fucking arms and legs what the fuck good are commas to him?

He thinks in short chunky thoughts. Never really here nor there. Old memories he takes some time thinking about or maybe he thinks about the rats crawling over him that he can't get off cuz he's got no friggin' opposable appendages. Poor guy.

Finally near the end he starts thinkin' 'bout war and goes into this big diatribe about how if he was running things NO ONE WOULD GO TO WAR AND NO ONE WOULD GET BLOWED UP! NO ONE WOULD LIVE LIKE THIS! HE EVEN GOES INTO CAPS LOCKS TO THINK ABOUT THIS STUFF.

It's a good book, really. I like the writing style of it....I'm not huge on commas and shit either. Trumbo was arrested and detained for UnAmerican Activities for writing this book. So if you read it you can hold it and go "wowee! This guy was arrested just for writing this thing!"

I think writing-style wise alone this book is very unique and interesting.


2. The Wars (Timothy Findley)

This book is about this kid who is pretty excited to go to war with the pistol his parents got him and to be like his hero, this cool guy from his neighborhood named Eugene Taffler....but war turns out to really really suck and he winds up trying to save some horses from a fire and then going completely bonkers. Poor kid, he just wanted to be a kid really....He didn't really want to go to war and die and everything.


3. Slaughter House 5 (Kurt Vonnegut)

This book is about a nonchalant youngster who gets sent into a war and he doesn't really know what the fuck is going on, he gets captured, imprisoned, and fire-bombed, oh and all his friends around him start dying one by one...and then he gets so out-of-it and just wants to distance himself from his world that he actually zones out into outer-space and this alien lets him look at past moments of his life and explains to him that it takes no less than seven people causing 7 seperate action-chain events to create one human life.

Yo, this book is fucked man. It's pretty cool.


4. Suikoden II (Yoshitaka Murayama et. al)

This game, based on Outlaws of the Marsh and other fragments of Chinese history, is the story of two friends who unwittingly end up leading opposite sides in a civil war. They're best friends and don't want to fight each other but circumstances and reasons on both sides dictate they must fight each other to end this civil war.

The character you play as wins...and when it comes time to lead his newly united country as President....he just says goodbye to good ol' Viktor and walks out during the victory celebrations. He never wanted to fight this stupid war. He goes to meet his friend who lost the civil war just days before against him, and his friend wants to duel him. After fighting each other in a long and bloody war for 2 years...they grow tired of this duel as well...and they both just lay down their weapons and walk off into the sunset to travel the world like vagabonds.

What were they fighting this war for? Who knows and who cares in the end. They're both vagabonds now, traveling free and at ease....they don't even look back at the two countries they were fighting on opposite sides for. That's over and done with....that silly war.


5. Short Untitled Twitter Story (Norm MacDonald)

On May 25th of 2015....on Memorial Day....one twitter user typed out his Memorial Day tweet for all his followers to read, he did it in the form of a short story which used roughly 15 "tweets" as they call them.

Now you know with this N. MacDonald character that he often starts these long-winded set-ups just to lead you into a shaggy-dog puncher. Famed celebrity Andy Richter onced described his story telling style as, "it's like leading someone on a two hour walk up a hill just to point out a pile of dog poop"... so you wondered if Mr. MacDonald was just on some shaggy-d set-up with this story...but he wasn't.

When he was done tweeting out his chunks of text which comprised this mini-novel....it was a very well-written short-story....it was one of the best examples of Non-Romanced War fiction ever created.

It was a short tale about a young man sent to war, sent away from his gal and his momma....he was sent to watch the friends he grew up with die in front of him....like that poor soul Richie Bellman from the farm next door to him.

It was a short twitter masterpiece which perfectly encapsulated the style of writing known as Un-Romanced War fiction. It was a very nice Memorial Day story....

.....and then he deleted it. Why? Nobody knows. It's just stuff of legends now....stuff of Writing Legends. It seems No One other than those who read it that night of May 25th shall ever read it.....