Hi, my name is D and this is my writings on subjects. I'm no rapscallion or anything at all. If you want to you can read my writings on subjects if you have free time. If you want to argue with me or call me names then please comment. Negative feedback is very welcome...I love dat shit.

Thursday, October 23, 2014

How to Confront a Religious Friend about Their Weird Behavior: A Step-By-Step Guide

The ultra-violent nutcase country known as Canada is in the global news again as more retarded psychopaths have lost their minds and gone on more murderous rampages.

The psychos this time were both recent converts to extreme sects of the Islamic "faith." Both were born in Canada and at some recent point in their lives became obsessed with muslim views.

Quotes from friends/family of the now-deceased crazy men have said of the men in both cases that they were perfectly normal enough guys until they found religion and then they "changed."

Obviously you can't condemn all religious people for a couple of extremists yet if you're anything like me and you are creeped the fuck out by religion...then when things like this happen, don't you start wondering about all those religious friends you have and start to wonder if they are one step away from going totally psychopath crazy?

I think it would be helpful to understand how religious people think and it would also be handy to have a sort of "threat level" go-to guide to identify religious people. So in this essay we shall be looking into (A) how to gauge how crazy your religious friend is, (B) how the religious mind works and why it is difficult to de-religify a human, and (C) how to diminish religion from your life so can be normal and cool.

Religious Threat Levels

The religious mind occurs in a variety of ways, in some cases the religious sentiments are harmless and healthy whilst in other cases the sentiments are extreme and violent. Note that the following threat levels apply to ALL religions and specifically to the religion most common in North America which is Christian/Jewish/Muslim.

Threat Level 0: The person believes in some form of a creator or creators which are formless and in no way can be proven yet due to the perfect clockwork complexity of our non-random universe they feel a creator must have existed or still exists. This is perfectly 100% normal.

Threat Level 1: The person believes that said creator not only exists but also has some sort of direct control over the goings on in the world. In many cases the person believes that they can talk to this creator and in many cases will "pray" to it or exercise some form of communication with an entity they believe exists even though they can't see/hear/touch/taste said entity.

Threat Level 2: The person has read some form of ancient story-book of fables which gives characteristics and back-story to the creator or creators. Many of these texts of fables were written thousands of years ago and are filled with fantastical or mythological story arcs which to a non-believer seem as far fetched as a Marvel Comic book yet to the believer of the religion these books are the absolute "truth" and they live their life in accordance with these story books.

Threat Level 3: The person believes a portion of the story book which deals with heaven/hells and angels/demons or some sort of similar fictitious phenomena. This goes without saying that if they can believe in things of this magical nature, then they can basically believe in anything, and their ability to think rationally about the world around them is compromised. They believe in ghosts, goblins, demons and all sorts of things a child of the mere age of 4 would have difficulty believing really exist. They may display paranoia in regards to "satan" or "demons" or any suchlike a make believe creature.

Threat Level 4: The person not only believes in their story book to the point of absolute truth, and believes in demons (etc.)...but also views the other religions from other story books as being evil. They believe their book to be absolute truth and competing story books to be the work of devils or demons and the followers of these competing texts as being lesser than human.

Threat Level 5: The person not only believes the opposing religions to their own are evil...they also want the people of opposing religions to die in some form of Crusade, Jihad, Zionistic War to cleanse the "promised land" of heathens so they can have the piece of earth which they believe their "god" promised them (tip: it's usually fucking Israel or Mecca or some dumb place for some reason...that's the "promised land" apparently).

Okay, so those are the five levels of danger in the religious thinking mind....they go from 0 being totally normal and healthy...to 5 which is batshit get-outta-town fucking crazy. Most people will fall somewhere in between those lines of religious thinking and usually around the second or third level. Movin' along.

The Religious Mind: Why it is Difficult to Counter

The main benefits normal level 1-2 people get out of religion are the following three things...

1. They don't feel the whole world is a random chaotic mess and that some wise creature in the sky has a plan that they can follow.

2. They don't feel like death is the Game Over screen of life and they will live a second more funner life in some cloud planet or heaven-like arena of some variety.

3. They will see their favorite deceased relatives when they die who are already living that super-fun Life II up in the sky.

That makes them very very happy and it is not my or anyone's right to make them unhappy by telling them otherwise. People who get comfort from believing these things live happier lives and more power to them. Trying to take these beliefs away from a person would be like pulling the carpet they are standing on out from their feet forcing them to lose balance and fall over and struggle to get back on their toes and re-pump themselves up.

I'm not here to pull out any carpets under anyone's feet...I think if people have beliefs that make them happy then good for them. Religious threat levels from 1-2 are a-o-kay and will result in more happy brains than sad ones. There is nothing wrong with you or your friend or family member if they are exhibiting religious levels from the zones of 1 and 2....nothing unusual at all.

Threat level 3 is where things get a little prickly. This is a person, as noted above, who thinks satan is a real thing and makes decisions based on weird paranoid non-rational criteria. It seems like satan lives in all sorts of things if you listen to level threes...from Iron Maiden CDs, to bikini swimsuits, to you name it. People like this might even start tying up their kids and preforming weird "exorcism" rituals on them if they come home with a rock n' roll record or something. This is the threat level where things get a little out of hand. It is almost impossible when they reach this level to ever bring them back because for someone to operate at this level they needed to have tossed any rational behavior patterns out the window. How can you convince someone that something no one can see/hear/taste/smell doesn't exist? It's impossible for you to disprove it because you have nothing to go on. The fact that a person is able to believe something they can't identify does exist is where the problem itself lies and no matter how much you try to convince them otherwise...you're fighting an unwinnable battle. You can't convince an irrational person to be rational.

By the time they go past level 3 it's already over, the person in question, will not ever come back. If they can convince themselves that things they can't identify exist...then they are on the path to believing ANYTHING and sadly most priests, rabbis, and imams are not spewing the most sane of information at these little religious get-togethers these religious people meet up at. All it takes is one whacko to tell them "THESE GUYS ARE DEVILS" and crazy things like "IF WE KILL THEM WE'LL GO STRAIGHT TO HEAVEN." All it takes is a couple of thing like this going into a level 3's ears for them to quickly devolve into a level 4 or even a level 5 religious person....and once they hit level 5, forget, it, they are a danger to themselves and others...big time.

How To Talk to A Person You Think is Level 4 or Level 5 Religicrazy

Okay, first off, if you have a friend or family member who you believe is at level 4 or 5 on the religion scale you can't be dismissive or mean with them. As much as it compels you in your sane and rational brain to just spurt out the words you so long to say...

"...Yo, how stupid are you to believe this bullshit!?"

They will resent you more and go off believing their crazy stuff even more. The next lesser mean style of thing to say is to break down their beliefs into basic and actual terms in the hope they realize how silly they are being in the form of something like...

"...Ok, so, you pray to an imaginary friend in the sky every night to fix your problems for you? Why don't you just try to actually fix your problems instead of putting them on the shoulders of someone who doesn't exist because obviously your problems will never get solved that way..."

That is still mean and they will resent you but it's a step in the right direction. Taking absurd religious statements and just saying them out loud using rational language is a step in the right direction.

Bottom line is, you really can't ever stop a 3+ from being religious...they are literally beyond the point of no return.

What about Yourself?

Statistically, 99% of people on planet earth are somewhere between level 1 and level 5...do you know where you sit? Are you happy with where you sit? Would you like to lower yourself on the threat scale? Would you like to actively de-religify your brain? Here are some simple steps you can take.

1. Mentally Edit the Language you Use both Internally and Externally

No, I'm not talking about english, or german, or french, or chinese, or spanish....I'm talking about conceptual structures of language. Is religion part of your daily vocabulary? Do you hit your thumb with a hammer and yell "Jesus Christ my Thumb!" or see something unusual and say "Oh my God!" ? That's using religion in your vocabulary and it strengthens your religious beliefs every time you say those things.

If you want to de-religify then next time you stub your toe just replace the religious words with onomatopoeias or expletives. Like, next time you stub your toe just yell "OW!" or "SHIT! OUCH!"

That's one simple step to begin taking yourself down a couple notches on the religious threat scale. Anything that makes religions have a lesser impact on your daily routine is a step in the right direction.

2. Don't Pray for Yourself or Others

You can't trouble-shoot a problem or fix a problem of ANY kind by praying to your voodoo gods to solve them. Some religious folks will even pray for a kid with a cut for a god to come and make the cut magically heal instead of stopping the bleeding and getting a bandage on the kid. They will literally pray over the kid and wait for a voodoo god to magically heal them. Cuts are a very basic medical example but it ranges to many many easily treatable medical conditions that people think they can magically pray to heal.

People pray for other people too. There is nothing more offensive to me than when I hear, "I'll pray for you." Personally, I don't want to be in anyone's pre-bedtime communications with their imaginary friends...I really don't. Praying is beyond useless...and if you use prayer INSTEAD of actually trying to solve an easily solvable problem then "prayer" is downright counter-productive and bad. In the case where it results in children dying...prayer is negligent and horrible behavior.

I'm not offended by many words....I don't care if someone says fuck or shit or dick...but "prayer" is one of those words that sits uneasy with me. It offends me.

3. Remind Yourself Ghosts Don't Exist

Most people will go to a child having a nightmare and say something like..."don't worry nothing you saw in those dreams was real...there's no ghosts or skeletons in your mind to kill you". Yet it seems millions of adults, NOT EVEN CHILDREN, believe in a wide variety of supernatural beings. Just tell yourself that there is no such thing as ghosts just like you'd tell a child...tell it to yourself.

4. Leave a Church/Synagogue/Mosque that you feel is getting too Culty-Wulty on You

For me, all of these buildings are cult buildings full of weird behavior, but I'm a level negative-1 so things are always weird for me when I observe religious rituals. If you are in a religious group where you feel the leader is getting a little fucked up...don't just go with it....ask questions or even cancel your membership in this cult. There's many sure-fire signs you are in a cult ranging from the leader asking you not to think for yourself, or ask you to engage in weird rituals... BUT...the big thing is if any leader of the cult you are currently in starts talking about violence against others, if that happens, you know your religion is bad news. If your priest/rabbi/imam is telling you to start hurting other people then get the fuck out of there in a hurry...that place is fucked up.

The positive parts about religions are the rosy beliefs they give you and the nice people you get to meet in your gathering place. Yet, if you feel your cult is getting too culty-wulty on you...then book it out of there in a flash...you don't need crazy cults in your life...you got too much to worry about as it is.


Religion is fine and dandy and good and everything...blah blah blah....let's get that respectful platitude out of the way before we cut into it...

...but if you or a friend are displaying unusual threat levels of religious thinking then it might be time to really start wondering if they or yourself are fucked up. I know it's mean, I know you're not supposed to talk bad about religion....but it really is these magical beliefs and irrational thinking that leads to a lot of folks goin' bonkers...it really is.

Still, you can't just pull the rug out from under them or rip religion off like a band-aid...you really have to make a mental adjustment both internally (how you think) and externally (how you speak/act) to really successfully pull yourself down a few notches on the religion threat scale. It's not easy to give up beliefs you love...yet sometimes it's for the best.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

A New Genre of Horror Movie is Sweepin' the World: Reality Horror Movies

People like to watch movies, a lot of people like to do that. We watch movies to generate stimuli in our brains and to exercise our imaginations. There's a vast variety of films we can watch and each genre tries to trigger an emotion within us. There's...

Feel Good Movies: Movies which make you feel happy and good. The good guys win at the end, or the love story has a positive outcome where the girl gets the guy or the guy gets the girl and they kiss or something. These ones are supposed to make you leave the theater feeling all good inside.

Funny Movies: These movies attempt to make the audience laugh by presenting comical or odd or bizarre behavior in hopes of creating an uproar of humanistic laughter throughout the theater. They are geared to trigger your laughter mechanism as the intended emotional stimuli.

Drama Movies: These have a wide range of emotions on the viewer as they live vicariously through the difficulties of the protagonist of the film. The stimuli can vary with this genre.

Action Movies: Cool shit happens in this movie which pumps the adrenaline hard into the audience's high octane brains. These movies should get you wicked wicked pumped.

Horror Movies: These movies should scare the shit out of you hard. You should leave feeling very very scared. It should trigger the emotional stimuli in your brain that makes you feel all terrified and exercise your brain's fear muscle.

Okay, so as the title of this article suggests we shall be focusing on horror movies and highlighting a new genre of horror which is scaring audiences all over the world.

Scary Films

Aeeeeeiiiieeeeee !!!

Do they really still scare you? Surely not as much as when you were a child at least. Yo, when I was a kid scary movies scared the actual fuck out of me. I'll give you some personal examples from my own experiences...

Everything scared me when I was a fucking kid, man. Everything. I was a 'fraidy cat 110%, no doubt about it. When I was a little little kid I used to hide behind the couch when that terrible monster Polkaroo used to bust onto the screen. That green mother fucker used to scare the shit out of me, hardcore. Oh my word. I used to bolt away from that marauding mutant when he came on screen, I'd book it straight to the toy box to get my one-handed Big Bird Hammer to defend myself from that fucking thing. No joke. I knew that green menace was up to no good.

Another one that got me as a kid was that bit on the Street where Ernie goes into the tomb to find a mummy. That bit scared all the crap out of me. Oh my goodness did it ever...

That doppelgangin' mummy version of Ernie always used to scare the life out of me. Ernie was my friend and he was in great danger in this bit and I felt genuinely empathetically scared for my homeboy Ernie.

The first horror movie that made me scared as crap was the Shining, specifically the scene where those damned twins are trying to freak out that psychic boy on the Big Wheel, that shit was buck scary and a half.

The one that got me the worst though was a Donald Sutherland movie that I saw when I was pretty young where Donnie's chasing his dead daughter around for the entire movie but when he finds her it turns out it wasn't even his dead daughter but just a murderous dwarf...and then the dwarf stabs the shit outta him...holy fuck....I did not sleep for an entire week after that movie. Holy shit.

I gotta take a break. Just thinking about this shit is still friggin' wiggin' me out even now.


Hold up, homies, I gotta recoup. That fucking midget still ruffles my feathers. Deep breaths. Ok.

Back to Scary Movies

Now I'm really old now, and nothing at all scares me. No horror movies on earth could possibly trigger the fear mechanism of the brain of this grizzled veteran. Nothin' at all. I think this is true for most adults. Horror movies don't scare us anymore, in fact, most of us watch them now to laugh at them. Like you see a scene of a chainsaw guy chainsawing up a bunch of people and you don't get scared now...you laugh at it cuz it's funny.

How do we get scared from movies again? It seems we need to up the ante a bit to find a way to trigger the fear mechanisms in our brains again that went off so easily when we were kids. How can that be achieved?

What if the threat felt real? What if the threat hit closer to home? What if the threat in question is even something you do, have done, or even do every single day? Wouldn't that threat scare you?

That's the formula being employed by the new genre of scary movies that are becoming a huge success and raking in a lot of cash these days. I refer to this genre as Sociological Horror Movies and I can almost guarantee you've seen at least one of them.

Sociological Horror Movies

You take something that a lot of people in society do and get them to be scared of it. The cute thing is it could be anything at all. Some examples include...

1. Food Inc (2008): Everyone loves eating, we do it everyday. This is the terrifying horror story of how eating can and will kill your sweaty-ass and you cannot stop it. You're dead.

2. Vaccine Nation (2008): Everyone vaccinates their kids...this is the terrifying horror story of how vaccines will kill your smelly-ass kids and you can't do anything about it except watch them die in your arms.

3. Super Size Me (2004): A mentally handicapped man eats MacDick's for like a month...and almost dies.

4. Fed Up (2014): Sugar, we eat it...but is it really a poison that will murder us? Yes, yes it is. In fact, sugar is worser than cocaine and eating it is like rolling dice...with your own life.

Oh fuck, did you know murder lurks around corners you never even knew? Death lurks around even the most mundanest of corners in this topsy-turvy world of ours? Everything you do can and will kill you until you are dead. Do you feel lucky, punk? Well, do you? I didn't think so. You're scared aren't you? Scared out of your mind about things you thought weren't even deadly.

Well, to be honest, these movies don't scare me. Why? Because they are really fucking stupid, that's why. I don't want to list the reasons why or this article would be 100,000 words long but here are some good links critiquing these 4 Sociological Horror Movies mentioned above (these are just some critiques of many)...

1. A Corn Man vs. "Food Inc."
2. Jeff Gerber and Paul Offit vs. Vaccine Myths
3. Sweden vs. "Super-Size Me"
4. Harriet Hall vs. "Fed Up"

In the end the emotional trigger these movies have on me is they actually trigger the Hate Cortex in this fucking brain of mine. They don't scare me, at all, they make me angry. I am starting to actually hate organic food weirdoes, to hate people who don't vaccinate their dumb kids, to hate retards who make boring movies about eating at MacDick's, and hate dumbasses who want me to believe that sugar is more dangerous than fucking snorting cocaine. You people suck and your movies suck...they suck shit.

Good Ideas for New Ones

Hey reader, you're a cool guy or a sexy lady with some money to burn, right? Why not invest it into a Sociological Horror Film? They are as easy as pie to make and pretty cheap too and you can rake in millions if it gets big. Struggling for ideas? Just think of something that everyone does and make a movie about how that will end their life. OK, I'll help you out, here's some good ideas....

TV Screens: The Silent Killer (2015): In this shocking and downright frightening documentary, film maker Consalvo Rodriguez, tackles the leading cause of cancer in society today...TV screens. Their soft warm light may not be as safe as you think. The RGB colors coming off your screen and hitting your eyes...will literally fucking kill you so bad.

Socks: Do You Trust Them? Yes? You're Crazy (2016): Rogue and maverick film maker, Allan Mousepad, exposes the truth about socks...they are cutting off our blood circulation and responsible for 123,000 deaths world-wide every single year. Or even 7 million deaths...we can't be sure.

Hair Dressers or Deadliest of Assassins? (2017): You sit down to get your hair done yet with one botched move your hair dresser accidentally jams her scissors into your bitch-ass throat and you fucking die and everything. Experts estimate over ten million people die every SECOND from botched hair cuts. Don't roll the dice of your life...cut your own hair. From the brilliant film maker Johnson Dichtbuergers.

There, you just gotta bang one of those ones out and make millions. Remember to throw in some creepy music and some made up statistics...oh and...remember the golden rule of Sociological Horror Flicks....

...Never ever let the truth get in the way of making a compelling and retarded movie.


I'm sure a lot of people are scared out of their wits with these new fangled highfalutin horror movies, but me? I think I am just gonna stick with watching the old classic genre of Horror...so what if they don't scare me anymore like that crazy dwarf who killed Donald Sutherland did back in the day...the classic horror films still make me smile.

Sociological Horror Films? They don't make me smile...they make me buck angry. Buck Angry.

Maybe Sociological Horror Films isn't the right term to classify them, maybe a more fitting monicker would be something like Straight-to-DVD Retard Movies.

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Jabroni Canadian Law Under The Microscope: "Not Criminally Responsible"

I'm gonna open a new section in my Index page called...CRIME AND PUNISHMENT. It's gonna be the section for hard-hittin' articles 'bout crimes and punishments.

Wow, there's some crazy cases in the news in my home area/region this month which are hot topics of debate and both cases are centered around one silly law in the rule books.

Firstly, a man who drank a bunch of anti-freeze and then proceeded to stab his two children 46 times until they died....is literally a free man as of now it looks like:

Story: http://news.nationalpost.com/2014/09/12/former-quebec-doctor-who-admitted-to-stabbing-his-children-will-be-released-on-bail-judge-rules/

That's beyond fucked up. That's actual lunacy. That is literal human lunacy that this person is back in the public after murdering his two children by stabbing them 46 times. Seems though that in Canada, if you just tell the judge and jury that you are a crazy dude...you just have to chill in jail for 2 years and then all is forgiven. What the fuck?

Also in the news is the trial of that fucking jerk who killed and ate a man and live-streamed it over the internet.

Story: http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/luka-magnotta-case-the-challenges-of-a-not-criminally-responsible-defence-1.2779593

People are worried now that this ABSOLUTE FUCKING MANIAC is gonna get 2 years in jail for killing and eating a person live on the internet.

How in the world is this even a debate that is actually going on in society? It literally boils down to...

"Should a guy who stabbed his two beautiful defenseless children 46 times until they died and a guy who murdered and ate a man live on the internet be free men in society?"

No one has to think twice over this, this IS NOT a debate. No, these men do not belong in society...they belong either behind bars or executed.

"Not Criminally Responsible"

The reason a jury of "peers" found that guy who stabbed his kids barely even guilty of a crime was due to his lawyer employing what is referred to as the "Not Criminally Responsible" defense. It boils down in the law books as...
"Under Canadian law, individuals can be found Not Criminally Responsible on account of Mental Disorder (NCRMD) “for an act committed or an omission made while suffering from a mental disorder that rendered the person incapable of appreciating the nature and quality of the act or omission or of knowing that it was wrong.”

So to translate that into a simple basic sentence it would read as so...
"If you did something bad but while you did it you were too crazy to know that what you were doing was bad...then you didn't do anything bad."
(-Canadian Justice System)

Okay, No. No, Canada, it doesn't fucking work like that. If you kill your kids or eat a guy on the internet...it DOES NOT make it okay if you were crazy. Obviously a guy who stabs his kids 46 times or a guy who eats his friends on the internet ARE CRAZY!

This law literally says, if a guy is crazy then he can do whatever he wants. This is so fucking stupid.

Laws are made to punish people who did crazy shit...so you can't have a law in your banana republic rule books that nullifies all crimes preformed by crazy people. Crazy people do crazy crimes! That's the key demographic that does crazy crimes!

Gimme a fucking break. This law makes the criminal justice system inherently pointless. The jails are filled in North America with people who have preformed small victimless crimes yet people who have committed huge victimfull crimes get to walk around free. It's crazy.

It's almost like the criminal justice system is so crazy that it believes its own silly laws now. The criminal justice system has deemed itself too crazy to have to be responsible for the crazy shit they do. The whole system is off its hinges, literally.

Can you imagine the jury that ruled on this? These little bleeding hearts who heard the guy who killed his kids literally say this in court...this is not made up, this is what the guy said in court...

"I think jail is a waste of time for me, I'm better off to be free so I can take care of my sick uncle" 
(-That piece of garbage who killed his kids)

The maniac really said that and I guess the jury believed him! They think a man who stabbed his kids 46 times until they died should still be allowed to take care of his sick uncle. No one needs to be told this but I guess it has to be said...HAVING TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR SICK UNCLE IS NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR KILLING YOUR CHILDREN! YOU STILL HAVE TO GO TO JAIL FUCK FACE! DO YOU FUCKING GET IT!?

Mental Illness is Not a Get Outta Jail Free Card

This silly notion that if you're crazy you can do whatever you want is spreading to other parts of society too not just the justice system. In case you are not aware, being crazy doesn't mean you can do whatever you want.

It is not only a legal defense but it seems like bein' crazy has become a 100% acceptable excuse in any situation in society now.

I've read countless articles lately from news sites about a young person with some mental illness who was reprimanded in some way and we are all supposed to feel bad inside because of it...it's always the same story...
"A poor young boy with (autism/aspergers/etc.) was reprimanded by his (teacher/neighbor/etc.) for his crazy actions. How can someone do the horrible act of (removing from class/sending a letter to parents/etc.) to a child with (autism/aspergers/etc.)?"  
 (-summary of many news articles of late)

I don't understand this news story template that is going around these days. There's hundreds of them too...there's a new variation of this news trope every single week now. It's always the same paint-by-numbers article too...only the faces and names change.

I was reading this site called "Autism Discrimination" the other day and a lot of the entries are something along the lines of "my son is often violent and hits the other kids but they have to learn that he is autistic and learn to love him." Look, if your son is hitting and attacking other kids HE is the problem, it's that simple. No one has to "learn" to fucking love him. Good for him some doctor diagnosed him with some disease with a cute name...that does not give him the green light to attack other kids and expect their love in return. It doesn't work like that.

To remove a child from a classroom setting for extremely disruptive and/or violent behavior is not "discrimination" at all...it is the teacher's actual duty to remove a child like that from class. In the eighties or nineties these countless events would have not been news stories but now all of sudden a child being kicked out of class gets re-worked into some horrible human rights violation.

Being diagnosed with "autism" or "aspergers" does not mean your kid can do whatever they want.

Aspergers in Court?

"....Yeah judge I killed all those people....but......I got a touch of the Aspergers so it's all good!"

This next Crime and Punishment story is out of Philly, where a fucking disgusting piece of human garbage murdered a nine year old child and then his lawyers pleaded that he should not be found responsible due to him having "asperger" syndrome.

Article: http://www.phillyburbs.com/blogs/reality/asperger-s-not-an-excuse-in-killing/article_82f7669d-f3df-5438-80f1-fa36859012d9.html

Luckily in this case, fortunately, the jury did not fucking buy this load of baloney and sentenced this animal to life in prison.

At least jurors in Philadelphia have brains...maybe other parts of the world can learn from them.


This "Not Criminally Responsible" due to mental illness shit is getting really old really fast. I don't care how crazy you are...there is no excuse for killing children and there is no excuse for killing and eating a guy.

These acts were deliberate, thought out, murders. One guy filmed it for people online to watch! Obviously it was 1st degree murder.

Put these fucking animals in jail. Put these psychos to sleep, fuck.

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Montreal Baseball Project Marches On: The Legend Continues....

Warren Cromartie's Montreal Baseball Project is going to host another baseball festival in the beautiful Ville de Montréal once again in 2015 to coincide with the two Major League Baseball exhibition games at Olympic Stadium between the Jays and Reds which are scheduled for the next baseball season. A lot of people are pretty stoked and/or pumped about this just as they were when it was announced last year.

Cro has stated that those coming to the 2015 Expos Fest and who'll be crashin' the Big O for these Reds/Jays games will be none other than Mr. Rusty "Le Grand Orange" Staub, Timmy "Rock" Raines, Andres "El Gato" Galarraga, broadcaster Jacques Doucet, and headlinin' will be Hall of Famer and Legend Andre "Hawk" Dawson. Yeah!

The 2014 Olympic Stadium Games

I'm sure it's a joke to a lot of people in the baseball world that someone would be super stoked and pumped about some pre-season exhibition games but you gotta understand that there's still a huge fan base of die-hard Expos fans in Montreal who haven't had MLB come to town in a full decade so it was a big deal for us.

The games against the Mets were done so well too. For game one, Raines was there, Steve Rogers was there, Gary Carter's wife and daughter were there to honor the late n' great Kid, and Cromartie was there to lead the fans in a chant of "WE WANT BASEBALL BACK!" It was nice, it really was. Look, for an Expos fan it was pretty freakin' cool.

Carter's family, Cy, Cro, n' Rock

For game two, almost the entire 1994 Expos were in the house from Grip, to Moises, to Walker, to Johnny Wetteland and everybody in the stands got hella pumped to see those dudes again. For shizzle. I remember watching all these guys live in the flesh the year they went 74-40 and seeing all of them back in the Big O was something I thought I would never see again.

Fletch, Walker, Felipe, n' lancer gaucher Denis Boucher

There were almost 100,000 people who came to the those two games...and I don't know but...something tells me these two pre-season games in 2015 are gonna crack the 100K mark. Something's in the air up in here and I know well enough (most of the time) to classify what is in the air when I feel that something is in the air. What is in the air in this case? BASEBALL FEVER.

Cincinnati Reds: The Best and My Favoritist of Those Guys

Props to the Cincinnati organization for agreeing for their club to venture north to the baseball-less and barren-of-baseball wasteland of Montréal to play a major league baseball game or two in the 2015 pre-season.

I have memories of the all the NL teams and most of these teams I have a favorable view of. Those Cincina-ta Reds are one of those teams I have a favorable opinion of, as such. In order to give props to the Reds organization I would like to write about them...specifically about the best Red and also about my favorite Red of all time.

Best: Barry Larkin

You're talking some heavy duty Reds over the years from Joe Morgan to Pete Rose to George Foster to Jose Rijo and the list goes on and on...but to me I'd have to classify Barry Larkin as the greatest by talent and by numbers Red of all time.

I should say that I may be biased because I personally have seen many many live games involving Barry Larkin. His rookie year was 1986 and he retired in 2004. For me, my first live baseball game was in 1986 and my team moved away in 2004...so my viewing of baseball and the career of Barry Larkin do overlap pretty much 100%. So I personally have never seen, say George Foster, play yet I assume someone who hit 92 homers in the span of two season was probably pretty fucking good. The fact that I've seen Barry play live on numerous occasions may be the reason I believe him to be the best Red ever.

People are spoiled in this era with shortstops who can play adequate defense and hit...but in my era of watching baseball it was still common to see a shortstop who hit .230 as the team's first string shorty. A guy like Barry who could win a gold glove at short, a position which sees well over 700 balls hit to in any given year, and hit well was very rare in previous eras.

He didn't just hit well though...he did it all. He hit for contact (.295 lifetime average), he hit down the line and into gaps (441 doubles, 76 triples), he hit longballs (198 homers), he drew walks (.371 OBP), and even stole some bases (379 out of 456 attempts). To have a gold glove shortstop who could do stuff like this was incredible.

The only real knock on Barry was that he rarely played 150+ game seasons due to injuries. He wasn't an Iron Man like Ripken but he was better than Ripken when he did play.

I know many would disagree with me asserting that Larkin was the best Red ever so I'll leave it as worded like this...

...Barry Larkin was the best Red I ever watched play.

Favorite: Chris Sabo

Sabo was a popular Red who played thirdbase for them in the late eighties and into the nineties. He is mostly remembered for his signature goggles he wore around his head moreso than his hitting or fielding prowess (which wasn't too shabby by the way).

As you can see from this beautiful artistic rendition of his facial features in this Donruss Diamond Kings baseball trading card to the left of the screen...Chris Sabo indeed had signature-ass goggles that made you stop and look at his card when you got it in a pack.

He was nicknamed "Spuds" Sabo by Pete Rose because apparently Sabo resembled Spuds McKenzie from the old Bud Light commercials. For those unfamiliar, Spuds McKenzie was a super cool dog who rocked hard, drank hard, and banged a hell-a-vu-lotta women back in the eighties (including even Debbie Gibson).

 Personally, I do not see any tangible resemblance between Sabo and McKenzie...

Okay, I admit, the reason Chris Sabo is my most best and favoritist Red evar is simply for the aesthetic and shallow reason that...Chris Sabo looked so fucking goofy in those goggles. He looked like a certified goof ball in those things. When players of the eighties were competing as to who wore the most stylish of fly sunglasses or "shades" if you will...it was visually striking to see Sabo with these literal grandma-glasses fastened to his head with an elastic band. He was the anti-fly...the actual anti-fly.

I understand that eye-glasses would surely fall off a man's skull whilst he had to manipulate his body to whip out baserunners at first or to bang out jack-a-roo hum-dingers...but still...you have to admit that Chris Sabo looked genuinely silly in those goggles.

If poppin' up with yer fly open is cool..then call me Miles Davis!!

I used to advertise my respect for Chris Sabo to the whole world through the use of the T-Shirt as well. The year the Reds were in the World Series in 1990 and Chris Sabo fucking tore up that World Series like it was nobody's fucking business...my parents purchased me a 1990 World Series T-Shirt which because of the play of Sabo in that series had a big huge Chris Sabo head on it (complete with over-exaggerated grandma-glasses). I was like 8 or something years old back in '90 and everyone at school would always be like...

Kid at School: Haha! Who's that big huge DORK on yer shirt?
Me: Oh, that's just Chris Sabo! Isn't he kewl?
Kid at School: NO!

Hands down, Christopher "Spuds McKenzie" Sabo is the kewlest Red in history...unlike the "best" argument where it is debate-able as to who was the best Red...when it comes to the who the kewlest Red is the debate is much simpler. It would be difficult for anyone to win an argument in which they tried to claim that Sabo was not the kewlest Red evar.

My Most Humblest of Apologies to Former Cincinnati Red Ken Griffey Junior

One memory I have of the Reds was something I remember good because it was a stupid thing I did. I was, I think 17, when this happened and to be fair I was not the most maturest of seventeen year old human youths back then.

Anyway, Ken Griffey Jr. was playing kind of crappy in his first year in the National League in 2000 with the Reds, he was hitting like .244 coming into the series on July 28th against the Expos at Olympic Stadium (average on that date courtesy of Baseball-Reference Dot Com). I was sitting on the first base side and witnessed Mr. Griffey pop out and I for some reason had the urge to yell...

..."looks like ya just popped up ya big faggot!"

...and Ken Griffey Junior literally turned and looked directly into my eyeballs...and I was like....

...."Oh shit! How did he hear me!?"

I really didn't think with the noise of the stadium and everything that players even heard when fans heckled but I am 100% sure he heard me and I always felt bad about saying that for two reasons: 

1) Ken Griffey Jr. is a super cool guy and is 100% a Hall of Famer and legend...and it was not polite to make fun of him while he popped up.

2) You shouldn't use "faggot" as a pejorative word because gay people are chill and cool. But yo, back in like 1999 when I was 17 that word was just part of a youth's vocabulary. I mean in my last year of high school if you totaled up all the times a youth said the word "faggot" in 1999.....you're talking about like at least a zillion instances. Still it's not an excuse and I'm sorry for using that word as an insult.

So, I apologize to the gay community for using the word "faggot" as a pejorative word quite often in my youthful days. I never use that word anymore...I have used the word "faggo" in this blog once or twice but that was under instructions from Scott Thompson (no not the Expo one but the Kids in the Hall one) that "faggo" is an a-ok term to say.

According to Kid in the Hall and comedy star Scotty Thompson..."faggo" is chill to say still.

So, 100% I don't ever use the "t" in that word anymore.

Most of all though, I apologize to Ken Griffey Junior because, well, the guy's a baseball icon and legend. He's a first ballot hall of famer for sure (he didn't look even a little bit roided up). KGJ....you are a capital "L" Legend, bro.


Montreal Baseball Project is still going strong. It should be noted that this is still operating in Phase II, many seem to think that MBP has initlized P3 but believe me when Cro initiates Phase III...you're gonna know that's for damn sure because it's gonna be huge.

Hey...you wanna a rumor that I heard about 2016's Expo fest? Yes, Vlad is apparently coming to town but don't quote me on that.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

A Tuesday Comparison: Comparin' the Writings of Tommy Malthus to Child Psychology

Wanna do a comparison? Okay, I'm down. Let's compare the opinions of Tommy Malthus to child psychology for a change. It's not like I have anything better to do today.

The Writings of Tommy Malthus 

Tommy Malthus was a guy from the 1800s who wrote about population and resources. He firmly believed that the current resources of the earth could and would not satisfy the rate at which humans were re-producing. He wrote that the future will inevitably be a bleak one of famine and ultimately will lead to the death of humans.

People have taken his writings very seriously over the last 200 years or so and nations have been attempting to get their hands on the supposed dwindling global resources so that their nation will make it through the great famine which will apparently spell the end for them.

Basically he was saying that there's not enough food, water, energy on this earth for everyone and we must fight over who gets to have their hands on it and make it through the "great catastrophe" which awaits us in the future.

Child Psychology

Next off, let's rap loose about some child psychology...

I'm not huge on psychology, in many aspects I think it's a jabroni-laden field of silliness, yet I read a lot of child studies because they are interesting (Bobo clown study and others). One study that I found interesting was children were given toys to play with and then simply observed by the psychologists. What they noticed in many cases was the children would behave very differently when they entered the room full of toys. Some of the children would take a toy and go to a corner of their own and play with it (shy kids), other kids would take toys and play a game with other kids (outgoing kids), then the last type of kid would steal toys from the other kids.

At first they thought, "oh that child must have liked that toy and his/her reason for stealing it was to satisfy a want," and that may have been true in some cases yet the psychologists started to notice in many cases once the child successfully stole the other child's toy...he/she would get bored of it in a few seconds and then go steal some other kid's toy. He or she wasn't stealing for the want or need to have the toy they were observing another kid playing with...they simply wanted to steal because that other kid had it and it compelled them to take it from them. It was the act of taking something from someone else that interested the children who stole toys in most cases.

In the adult world, a good example of this phenomenon is the long-known fact that wearing a wedding ring into a singles bar will attract A LOT of attention. A lot of people wonder why that is but child psychology explains this rather easily...a lot of singles will hit on a "taken" member of the opposite sex for the sole reason of "taking" something away from someone. These lascivious howlers are the same as the kids who stole toys for no reason in the study...they don't even really want to bang the person who is married...what they want is the feeling of taking something from someone and that gives them a thrill or a warm feeling inside.

How Does this Nonsense Tie Together, You Ask?

According to the followers of Malthus, there are a limited amount of resources on this earth and they will only wind up in the hands of those who take them. They only wind up in the hands of the takers. The lonely kids who play with one toy? Fuck 'em they won't survive. The outgoing kids who work together and play with the toys together? No chance, they won't survive. Only the kids who take will survive. Take, take, take, take, take,take, TAKE.

Take, take, take...

Finder's keepers! Losers weepers! First come! First serve! Take! Take! Take!


It's either you or me! No offense but if boils down to you or me...believe you me...I'm picking ME! Now gimme all your stuff! It's Mine! All Mine!

It's mass hysteria out here! Buy a gun! Get ready! It's Mass Hysteria Out HERE!

Does it Have to Be This Way?

Is the population really spiraling out of control? Doesn't seem so. Please let my homeboy, the master statistician, Hans Rosling rap a little loose on this subject...

It looks like we are gonna recover from the post-war baby booms which over-saturated the population and numbers will level out. Statiscally, if you are educated and live comfortably...you have about 1 or 2 babies per woman. If you are an uneducated and poor family you have 6 or 7 children. It seems people over-breed when people are dying too often. If a war breaks out and 2 million people die...families will in turn try to balance it out by breeding like crazy. If child mortality rates are high in a region then families will over compensate by trying to make babies like crazy to replace the ones that die.

Those are the facts. It seems the main problem in over-population is simply some regions are experiencing so much death that they are over compensating birth rates. All we have to do is get good hygiene, vaccines, food, clean water, and education to the poorest regions of earth to level out the breeding cycle and it's not as hard as you think. Science and technology is on the case and when they are on the case things tend to get done.


Yes there is 7+ billion people in the world, yet with our technology and science we can feed, clothe, house, and provide energy for all of these people. Once everyone on earth is living comfortably we can level off the breeding cycle and throw Malthus out the window for good.

Forget Amish/Organic farming and let science produce maximum yields. Forget resource based energy production and think about renewable energy production. Vaccinate your fucking kids. That's the type of things that will make a brighter future...not resource wars.

It's not a world for the takers. Not at all. This world is a world for thinkers. This is a world for problem solvers. This is a world for intelligent folks who get the job done. This is NOT a world for takers. In fact, the wars over resources is the real catastrophe and the irony is that they are fighting these wars apparently to avoid the catastrophe predicted by Malthus. It's kinda nuts if you think about it.

Statistician and prognosticator Tommy Malthus' writings have been the opinion of the majority of the world for about 200 years now. Is it time to listen to a new statistician and prognosticator for a change? I mean 200 years was a long time ago, maybe it's time to let guys like Hans Rosling take the helm of the stats/prog scene for a coupla hundred years or so? No?

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Being Sent to the Slammer for Writin': The Possible Sad Ending to the Baba Jukwa Saga

This blog has been following the "Baba Jukwa Saga" which has played out over the internet for the past 2 years or so...

1. The Global Mystery: Who is Baba Jukwa...and will he/she spell the end of Robert Mugabe's 27 year rule of Zimbabwe?

2. Jukwa Update: After the Death of Chindori-Chininga....has Zanu Silenced the Baba Jukwa?

Basically a man somehow involved in the Zanu party of Zimbabwe which has been in power in Zimbabwe for over 30 years took the new technology of social networking to share pretty shocking information about the inner workings of that shady organization. People started to take him/her even more seriously as he/she predicted a dissenter of Zanu would be removed and surely enough this man was murdered soon after. It was interesting and sort of funny because the account was giving the personal cel-phone numbers of the politicians lambasted in the posts for the readers to call if they felt the need to express anger...which I'm sure was quite annoying for the politicians involved.

The account garnered at its peak 400,000+ "likes" yet it seems to be officially defunct as of now. The removal of the account seems to coincide with the arrest of a certain journalist.

Source: http://nehandaradio.com/2014/08/12/baba-jukwa-disappears-from-facebook/

Fishyness is abounds with the arrest in question as before being arrested the journalist seems to have written an incriminating letter and it seems somewhat odd that someone would voluntarily do such a thing...

Letter: http://nehandaradio.com/2014/06/23/edmund-kudzayi-joined-team-zanu-pf/

A few days after the letter was published he was arrested. Has the Jukwa saga, which has morphed into a soap opera the whole world is following, finally reached its sad conclusion? It appears so.

The question now is how draconian the punishment will be.  The journalist in question is on bail and facing charges of "attempting to subvert a constitutionally elected government." 

Now, I don't know if this guy is on the up and up or what his deal is or even if he really was Baba J ...all this article wants to really explore is what should the punishment be for sharing information in this new information age we are all living in?

Parallels to the "Snowden Saga"

In the first article I wrote on Baba J, I made a comment along the lines of "what a whacky country over there, surely an over-the-top manhunt like this would not happen in North America..."

...but surely enough a few week after writing that I had to eat my words something fierce as the Edward Snowden fiasco broke out which kind of made me feel a bit dumb for saying that something like that would not happen in North America.

For those unfamiliar with Snowden, he leaked NSA papers showing that surveillance of civilian activities by various government organizations are far more obtrusive and extreme than most people thought.

Personally, I wasn't surprised too much by the Snowden saga. We are all living in the information age and all of us are trying to access as much info as humanly possible...so why would anyone be surprised that governments and other organizations are trying to access as much info as possible too?

The shocking part is not the realization that information is being harvested and recorded by organizations such as the NSA or Stone Ghost, the shocking part in these matters is the punishment that is doled out to people leaking information to the public. If you prove to the public that your government is pretty Big Brotherish...what punishment do you deserve for that? To me it's a bit of a wash because most people knew the government was looking at their shit anyway so who even cares that some guy proved it?

I do 100% think that guys like Snowden, Bradley Manning and others did indeed break the law and should be reprimanded in some fashion. I mean they must have signed a document which said something to the extent of "you're going to be dealing with confidential/classified info in this organization that you cannot under any circumstances share with anyone" and they did indeed break that contract. The punishment however should be along the lines of termination from the organization, a steep fine, and maybe half a year in a white-collar prison and nothing really worse than that. These life-in-prison sentences they are talking about for these guys are fucking extreme and pretty draconian, I must say.

Bradley "Chelsea" Manning for example was sentenced to 90 years in prison for the information he put on the internet...or even Canadian Jeff Delisle who got 20 years for selling information to Russia. Those sentences come off as being pretty harsh, I find.


This is the information age and any dude, or chick, or tranny (Manning) with a computer can be an information super-node. Everyone is trying to access as much information as they can and no one whether government or civilian should be surprised that someone is using the technology in the information age to gather and share information.

The only point I really wanted to make here is that...it's a little draconian and old school for governments to imprison people they don't agree with. It is very very unhealthy for any society to treat dissent in such an extreme manner.

If you are dishin' out punishment for a legal breach of contract then fine...that makes sense...but if you are only applying the punishment to suppress non-violent dissent then that's a whole different can of worms, man.

In the recent cases of Edward Snowden, Bradley Manning, Jeffrey Delisle...they indeed broke a promise and legally binding contract to not share the information they were intrusted with by the organization who employed them. Yet is 90 or even 20 years in the slammer a little too hardcore a sentence?

As for the supposed arrest of Jukwa, which in all truthfulness may very likely not even be the actual Baba Jukwa...we can only imagine how draconian and extreme the sentence will be for "attempting to subvert a constitutionally elected government..."

...one by the way which has been ruling for over 30 years now.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

The Best of the Best: A General Exposé on Chinese Gamblin' Movies

On the right side of the screen of this blogsite (on desktop compies I dunno 'bout mobile) shows all the most well-readed articles. It's been pretty much the same order for a long long time. People seem to check out the video game ones, the one about Beet-a-Juice, the Montreal Expos one, the Corn one, etc, etc.

Lately the hits for the Stephen Chow Journey to the West article have been adding up as it is gaining mild readership like a freight train and poised to become top 3 in the near future.

Hey I only have a few readers so I might as well give 'em what they want, if they want Chinese movie reviews then I'm gonna bang out some Chinese movie reviews. No biggie.

You ready for it ya big readers you? I'm 'bout to knock out a whole slew of Chinese movie review.

Chinese Gamblin' Movies

What is a "Chinese Gamblin' Movie" well it's basically a full length film set in China where people gamble. Simple enough.

The first of its kind was a Shaw Brothers classic from 1976 known as "King of Gamblers" (trailer below).

Most fans of Shaw Brothers movies know that a lot of the flavor of these films was in their campiness, silliness, and cheapness. This film does not disapoint as its camp/silly/cheap levels are pretty darned high yet this film is just the departure point for the genre and will not be a main focus of this article.

Fast forward to 1989 and the Hong Kong movie scene had grown considerably both talent and funding wise and in this year would mark the true birth of the Chinese Gamblin' Movie. I don't know what you call the "Hollywood" of Hong Kong, maybe "Hongywood", anyway Hongywood thought the 1976 King of Gamblers film was totally bad ass and wanted to make their own totally bad ass Gamblin' movie and they did. They cast Yun-Fat Chow as the lead and a legendary film genre was born.

The first time I ever saw Yun-Fat Chow was when I stayed up super late one night in the mid-nineties and this channel (Showcase/Channel40 in Canada) was showing a marathon of John Woo movies. A lot of people know Johnny Woo because he crossed the ocean and became a big director in Hollywood too (directing Face Off with Cage/Travolta amongst others). Yun-Fat used to be Woo's go to guy for shoot-'em-up action movies and Showcase was playing Hard Boiled, The Killer, and Once a Thief which were all superb Yun-Fat films. In a John Woo directed Yun-Fat Chow movie it was not uncommon for thousands of people to be shot in the face...which is cool.

That's the basics of the genre, now on to the review...

1. God of Gamblers (1989)

(Note: the "Mix" slot is where I try to pigeon hole the film into a mix of movies to give you an idea what you're in for. Think of it like if a movie was like baking a cake how you'd derive the cake via its ingredients so to speak.)

Mix: 2 Parts Hard Boiled (shoot 'em up action) 2 Parts James Bond + 1 Part The Bell Boy (generic slapstick throw-a-way comedy) + 1 Part Rain Man.

Synopsis: The greatest gambler in the world is commissioned by a wealthy gambler to defeat his nemesis in a gamblin' duel yet things take a turn for the worse when the greatest gambler in the world accidentally tumbles down a hill and gets amnesia. Thankfully some local street hooligans nurse him back to health and make use of his god-like gamblin' powers. 

Starring: Yun-Fat Chow as the God of Gamblin', Andy Lau as the street smart Knifey Boy, Charles Heung as Dragon Bodyguard, Man-Tat Ng as the sub-boss villain, and Hom-Lom Pau as the final boss.

Opinion: I know Rain Man in the mix above seems out of place but the creators have stated that Rain Man was a key factor in making this film. Amnesia in China seems to have a different definition than it does here. In China when you get amnesia you don't just forget shit...you revert to being a 4 year old child. For the majority of this film Yun-Fat is playing a mentally handicapped man a la Dustin Hoffman character from Rain Man. 

The action in this movie is where it's truly at though. Yun-Fat is not the designated bad-guy killing machine in this film because that role falls on the shoulders of the immensely wickedly bad-assed Charles Heung who plays Dragon Bodyguard. Oh my word does Dragon Bodyguard kill a lot of bad guys in this movie. Any scene where Dragon Bodyguard shows up in you know bad guys are gonna get dead and they are gonna get dead FAST.

This is the movie that got the ball rolling for the genre and is very likely the best Chinese Gamblin' movie ever.

Score: 9.3/10

2. All for the Winner (1990)

Mix: 2 Parts God of Gamblers + 1 Part James Bond + 2 Parts The Bell Boy (generic slapstick)

Synopsis: The self proclaimed "Reverend Saint of Gamblers" travels from Gaungzhou to Hong Kong to make it big in the city. He and his bumbling uncle make use of his sacred Taoist voodoo gamblin' powers to engage in high stakes gamblin' adventures.

Starring: Stephen Chow as Saint of Gamblers, Man-Tat Ng as bumbling Uncle Tat, Sharla Cheung as a hot chick, and Paul Cheung as the bad guy.

Opinion: A year after God of Gamblers made waves on the big-screen the comedic oriented Stephen Chow and his crew either really liked it or were super jealous of it...so they parodied it with an ultra-comedic version of it. Man-Tat Ng is in this too but not reprising his role as the sub-boss from God of Gamblers.

This movie is rife with mystical Taoist voodoo shit...it actually gets a bit annoying. Stephen Chow is so good at gambling that he can basically start glowing like a Dragon Ball Z character and change cards into whatever he wants them to be. Silly magic abounds in this movie...it can barely go a minute without some voodoo shit happening. Not that it's bad or anything, but the voodoo stuff was used sparingly in the God of Gamblers and not blatantly every minute where it just gets annoying.

The gamblin' duel at the end with the evil gambler boss is still cool though and all in all it's a decent film.

Score: 7.7/10

3. God of Gamblers II (1991)

Mix: 2 Parts God of Gamblers + 1 Part James Bond + 2 Parts The Bell Boy (generic slapstick) + 1 Part Hard Boiled.

Synopsis: Knifey Boy now regarded as the "Knight of Gamblers" and the "Saint of Gamblers" reluctantly team up to battle an imposter who's going around town calling himself the "Knight of Gamblers" and ruining the good name of the real Knight. Can the real Knight and the Saint put an end to this evil imposter's reign of dubious behavior? I certainly hope so.

Starring: Andy Lau as the Knight, Stephen Chow as the Saint, Man-Tat Ng as bumblin' uncle, Dragon Bodyguard as the Mother Fuckin' Dragon Bodyguard, and Lap-Man Tan as Hussein the Imposter.

Opinion: This was a weird direction to take the series. Basically a year after the parody and two years following the original...they merged the original and the parody together to make a sequel for BOTH OF THEM.

It's the equivalent in Hollywood if Star Wars made another movie following Space Balls where both movies merged together. Think of Harrison Ford and John Candy fooling around in space doing fart jokes and battling the Empire while Mel Brooks and George Lucas high five each other behind the scenes. That's what basically happened with the God of Gamblers films.

Yun-Fat Chow didn't seem to want anything to do with this as he is only seen in archive footage and his God of Gamblers character is only referenced to in this movie. Dragon Bodyguard shows up though and guess what he's doing? Yup, he's equipped with a Magnum desert eagle and is literally blowing away every bad guy who even thinks of fucking with either the Knight of Gambling or the Saint of Gambling. Plus he has a sister in this movie the She-Dragon Bodyguard who is whooping ass and shooting dudes too.

This film marks the first time in the Chinese Gamblin' genre that a dude whips a standard playing card so hard and skillfully at another dude that the card cuts through the skin and lodges itself into the dude's body. Andy Lau preforms this maneuver and it should be noted that it was very very cool.

Score: 8.6/10

4. God of Gamblers III: Back to Shanghai

Mix: 1 Part God of Gamblers + 1 Part Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3 (the one where they go back in time to the Orient for no reason) + 1 Part The Gods Must be Crazy 3 + 1 Part Hard Boiled + 1 Part Rain Man

Synopsis: ???

Opinion: Yun-Fat is still missing in action and is only seen in a photograph. Andy Lau? He doesn't show up to this movie either meaning the brunt of the gamblin' heroism falls on the shoulders of the lovable Stephen Chow. At least Uncle Tat is back in this one and so is Dragon Bodyguard too...and as you'd expect DB kills about a hundred thousand people this time around (including a whole 1930s Japanese army battalion).

You thought there was too much whacky Taoist-Voodoo in the last installment? Well hold the phone because this next one goes full fucking Taoist. I included the awful film The Gods Must Be Crazy 3 in the Mix because that is the only movie I can think of with as much taoist voodoo nonsense in it.

In the 3rd installment of the The Gods Must be Crazy a Chinese Taioist priest travels to Africa to fight vampires...yeah, it makes loads and loads of sense, yeah. The God of Gamblers III makes even less sense than the third movie of the Gods Must be Crazy series with all the Taoist voo doo silliness.

Literally in the first 5 minutes of God of Gamblers III, Stephen Chow and his nemesis "Glass Eye" Kao Tun do so much fucking god damned voodoo that a great wind splits the world open and a vortex forms sucking them into the past. Yes, our hero is transported back in time to 1937 gangster-ridden Shanghai...why not? I'll go with it, I guess. Man-Tat Ng is now playing the role of Chow's homosexual grandfather from the past instead of his bumbling uncle (actually he plays both) which is cool, I guess.

If that wasn't enough, they managed to sneak in a mentally handicapped individual into this one to maintain the 1 part Rain Man in the mix of ingredients. Was it necessary to have a Rain Man character? No, it wasn't....but at this point who even cares anymore? This movie is beyond ridiculous.

All the way through this entire film I kind of hated it, I kept thinking at every point "this movie makes no fucking sense, man" but by the end when everything was said and done...I thought it was a pretty cool Chinese Gamblin' Movie after all. It's hard to dislike a Chinese Gamblin' movie when push comes to shove.

Score: 7/10

5. God of Gamblers 2: Return of the God of Gamblers (1994)

Mix: 3 Parts Hard Boiled (action!) + 2 Parts Death Wish One (revenge!!) + 1 Part James Bond + 1 Part The Bell Boy (slapstick!) + 1 Part Cop and A Half (adult/child buddy comedy!)

Synopsis: The God of Gamblers has fucked with too many bad guys over the years and for his safety has left the life of gamblin' behind to live in France with his wife and attempt to make a baby and raise a cute family. The simple life is harder to achieve as he once thought as bad guys manage to find him and thwart his plans of living a quiet-ass life. Can the God of Gamblers cope?

Starring: Yun-Fat Chow as the God of fuckin' Gamblers, Dragon Bodyguard as the Dragon fuckin' Bodyguard, Tony Leung as "Trumpet," Chien-Lien Wu as a hot-enough Asian chick, Chingmy Yau as a super-hot Asian chick, and the Bad Guy as the Bad Guy.

Opinion: God of Gamblaz ROLL CALL!!!!

Stephen Chow: (Not here).
Andy Lau: (Not here).
Dragon Bodyguard: HERE!
Bumblin' Uncle Tat: (Not here).

...Yun-Fat Chow? HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh boy, the cock has come back to the roost. Call your grandma and let her know...The God of Gamblers is back in a God of Gamblers movie! Yun-Fat Chow is in the house, he's takin' names, he's kicking asses, and not even giving ten fucks.

This movie is fucked, man. With Stephen Chow's parody/comedy shtick thrown to the wayside this movie gets awfully dark really fast. The way they set-up how evil the bad guy is...is a little too fucked up.

Listen, the initial scenes to set-up the eviltude of the bad guy is real dark. The first scenes of Bad Guy is him throwing a friggin' cute cat out of a moving car! Then the bad guy literally rips a lady's stomach open to give her an ad-hoc unwanted abortion...and then he puts the fetus in a mason jar (WTF!?!?!?!). Okay bro...we get it...you're evil....you're a bad guy...we get it already...can we see some light hearted gamblin' now please?

The stakes are really high in this movie with people gamblin' with their hands, limbs, eyeballs, and lives and all this. Holy crap.

Yes, "Death Wish" themes as well as "Cop and a Half" themes are present in this picture. Revenge is one of the main themes throughout the film (by the end of the movie I think a dozen dead folks need to be avenged) and Yun-Fat teams up with a cute kid side-kick for the majority of the film a la Cop and a Half. It's an odd mix but it works, it's a good movie, no doubt.

This movie also features the hottest Asian chick I've seen in a Chinese Gamblin' Movie up to now. The chick with the tattoo on her boob and who kicks people's faces at the roulette table is pretty hot, I do say.

One thing that made me laugh in this one is they counter-parody the Stephen Chow gamblin' movies a bit. At one point while God of Gamblers is gambling one of his allies says something along the lines of "I thought he'd look more cooler while gambling like the great Super Saiyan from Dragon Ball...." which was obviously poking fun at the blatant kai-o-ken style powers Stephen Chow displayed in All for the Winner.

Score: 9.1/10

6. From Vegas to Macau (2014)

Mix: 2 Parts James Bond + 2 Part Hard Boiled + 2 Parts The Bell Boy + 1 Tablespoon of Rain Man

Synopsis: Buddy Benz and his kids or nephews or whoever gamble money away from the rich to give to the poor as modern day gamblin' robin hoods yet they bite off more than they can chew when they gamble with the wrong bad guy. Luckily Buddy Benz's life-long friend God Hand Ken is on their side and his gamblin' and fightin' abilities are sure to come in handy as they try to raise money for their dying mother's cancer treatment.
Starring: Yun-Fat Chow as God Hand Ken....and a bunch of other people too.

Opinion: Twenty years later Yun-Fat Chow is gamblin' again but this time he's not reprising his role as God of Gamblers but is playing the role of Ken the man with the God Hand. Ken has different moves and techniques than the God of Gamblers including the ability to whip gold-plated playing-card shurikens that can ricochet off walls and other edges and land in everybody's fucking throats, legs, balls, asses, and faces.

They kind of have the Rain Man character in this movie, sorta. Yun-Fat's daughter is a weird chick who does acrobatic flips and tumbles around the God Hand mansion with this bungee chord thing all day and is described as being super weird and a bit retarded.

I wonder if Dragon Bodyguard is still alive in 2014...either way he's not in this new movie and that means countless on-screen lives were spared in the making of this film (unfortunately). I bet a lot of extras were happy that Dragon Bodyguard didn't show up to this movie because they could thus avoid having to sit in the make-up chair for an hour to get the standard "gory death" treatment and avoid having to rig exploding blood packs to themselves.

If you count up all the bad guys killed by Dragon Bodyguard through all the Gamblin' movies I bet his death toll is statistically in the Rambo region. It says on his IMDB that Dragon Bodyguard is still alive but I guess no one bothered inviting him to this movie. That's kinda crappy...still it's not a game breaker or anything because this film rules despite the absence of Dragon Bodyguard.

Score: 8.7/10

Final Statements on the Matter 

I refer to movies in the mix section just to give the reader an idea of what the movie in question consists of. I'm not recommending these or necessarily believe the movies in the "mix" sections are good. For instance, I used The Bell Boy to describe elements of forced slapstick style in-your-face brand humor. Jerry Lewis is the King of Forced Comedy in the fashion of...
"Hey laaaaadies! Look over here! I'm trying to be funny over here! Look at meeee! I'm attempting to do comedic actions in this vacinity! Can you see me trying to be funny! I'm being funny over here! Look at this funny face I'm making! Are you looooking!? I'm making a funny face over here! Hey laaaaaaady!"

Forced slapstick is like that, you know? The actor/actress is making it perfectly clear that he or she is attempting to do something funny just in case the audience was too dumb to figure it out themselves.

It does give your movie a light hearted silliness to it but the manner of delivery and how forced it is leaves the audience rolling their eyes at times (more often than not). Jerry Lewis is the poster boy for this forced comedy style and that's the reason I used one of his movies as an example to illustrate the slapshtick forced-comedy style in the mix section.

The ratings speak for themselves...the God of Gamblers which have heavy doses of Yun-Fat Chow are the best ones, no doubt about it.

I wouldn't be surprised if a huge rivalry exists between Stephen Chow and Yun-Fat Chow over there in China...I would suspect these two really don't like each other. I bet they both think they are the King of Hongywood but the joke's on both of them in the end because Jackie Chan is still and probably always will be the King of Hongywood. Jackie Chan is probably the most famous actor on earth to be fair.

In closing, I want to make a super wicked Gamblin' film because it looks like a lot of fun to do that.

 I wish this was MY theme song!!!!!!!

Monday, July 28, 2014

Kookery Gone too Far: When the Insanity Isn't Funny Anymore...

I've wrote a lot of about "kooks" and people on the "fringe" in this blog,

1. In Defense of Human Kookery (I liked this one but it never got many hits at all)
2. Rating some Kook Shows
3. On my Favoritest Kook of all...Wiley Brooks

I actually really like Kooks in many ways. Sometimes in the flurry of insanity found in a 10,000 word manuscript of restless nonsense a couple of ideas might pop up that are pretty interesting (though 99/100 of the ideas of a kook-a-script are gonna be insane). Even the worst kooks have high comedic value so even to the craziest ones have a silver lining in the fact that you can laugh at how nuts they are.

I have a real cut-off point drawn in the sand while reading kook writings though. When I come across something which meets this cut-off criteria the kookery in question ceases to be amusing. What is this point of no return that separates a human's whacky beliefs from being amusing to being not amusing?

The line is drawn when the person or group in question tells their readers to cause harm to themselves or others...that's where the line is drawn. That's when the text/article/book/etc stops being funny.

In the case of Wiley Brooks, I think he lost a lot of his humor when he wrote an article telling his followers (I hope he doesn't actually have any I really do) to light themselves on fire to train to enter the 5th dimension....however I still found myself still laughing at it. In my mind, which is infested with rationality, I cannot even fathom a person reading that article and actually lighting themselves on fire in the hopes of turning their blood into "gold plasma liquid light." I can't even imagine a person actually trying breatharinism...I didn't believe anyone could be dumb enough to believe that's possible.

Then you come across articles like this: (http://www.theguardian.com/world/1999/sep/28/millennium.uk)

In "Let Them Eat Air" the Guardian reports,

"...[Death resulting from] complete abstention from food and drink. If that is what happened, she will not have been breatharianism's first casualty. Last summer Lani Morris, a 33-year-old Australian, died in a Brisbane hospital after following the regime. It has also been linked to the death in 1997 of Munich kindergarten teacher Timo Degen, who was 31."

-The Guardian, Sept. 1999

Let's see here, at least 3 people have died from believing they could live without food or water. I have to re-align my thoughts now. I have to throw away the belief I have that "no one is stupid enough to try this shit."

It's a shame because that fact makes Wiley's kookery less humorous. Breatherianism has crossed the line from being hilarious to being dangerous. By telling people to not eat or drink water in order to be healthy you are causing harm to your readers/followers....and that's the line that when it's crossed the humor is lost.

This extends to all beliefs too from religious, to nationalistic, to sports rivalries.

Is religion cool? Yeah, but not when religious leaders tell you to harm yourself or others. When a crusade, jihad, or wild jewbaree breaks out...then your beliefs have crossed the line into dangerous and violent territory.

Is nationalism cool? Yeah, but not when you love your "country" so much that you villify and attack people from other "countries" then your belief has crossed the line into the danger zone.

Are sports rivalries cool? Yeah, but not when a Giants fan and a Dodgers fan get into such a fervor over their sports beliefs that they take out knives and have a nasty knife fight that leaves one man dead...then it's just silly and fucking crazy.

(see: http://www.mercurynews.com/crime-courts/ci_25397362/giants-fan-cleared-dodger-fans-fatal-stabbing-da)

Is the Organic Food Movement Going Past the Breakin' Point and Crossin' da friggin' Line?

It's "aura" is very "positive"
The organic/natural food kooks are usually pretty cute and funny. It's those people who think the path to happiness is to not vaccinate their kids and to only eat quinoa grown from the bottom of the ocean where obviously the dihydrogen monoxide toxin levels are not powerful enough to give the quinoa a negative aura.

The fact that they are not vaccinating their kids and are thus letting polio, measles, and a myriad of other easily preventable diseases find their way back to regions where they were eliminated...means they already crossed the line of not harming themselves or others a LONG TIME AGO.

Now it's a like a big limbo game for the orgies/naturoes. The question now is how low can they go? How far past the line of rational thinking can they get to?

The big 3 bozos in the orgy/naturo movement are Joey Mercola, Mehmie Oz, and a young man who goes by the monicker of Mike Adams. Recently the latter of the trio wrote a kook piece so crazy that the organic/naturo movement cannot even see the damned line anymore.

Exhibit A (published on July 21, 2014): "Biotech genocide, Monsanto collaborators and the Nazi legacy of 'science' as justification for murder"

(note: the article in question is being edited almost every hour though archived versions of it at every stage are available at www.archive.org or similarly by using Google Cache). 

In this close to unreadable article, this Mike Adams character, who's crazy site I might remind you gets about 8 million unique hits per month, says anyone who criticizes him is a "nazi collaborator" who should be MURDERED by the followers of the organic movement.

This article is atrociously odd. It has dozens of pictures of Hitler and swastikas, it has a fucking picture of "roundup" insecticide next to a photo of dead Jews piled on each other. This is not funny kookery, not in the least. No no no no no. This is a very sick man. Whether he's saying things like this to promote a book he's got coming out or whether he actually believes this stuff, it does not matter, this is a very very sick man.

I don't think many people think using the holocaust is an okay thing to compare bug repellent to. That's not even the craziest part of this kook piece though. This Adams character is telling his whacky followers to "track down" the people who criticize him and literally KILL them. What the fuck? These hippies aren't so fucking cute anymore, wow, they're fucking psychopaths.

I only get a few hits here and there on this here shitty blog but for the record I have criticized the organic/naturo movement here before in an agricultural article...

This one: "Farmin': What's it All About?"

Jeepers creepers you guys, I never in my wildest dreams thought that writing an article making fun of organic farming could get me fucking domed/iced, yo. It's days like this that I'm thankful this blog never got popular...or my damned life might be in fucking jeopardy at this moment. Shiiiiiiii-it.

Even if my dumb blog was popular I wouldn't be scared. What is an army of hippies gonna actually do anyway? If they showed up at someone's house who criticized them (and apparently the homeowner in question deserves death for that)..all you gotta do is throw some fucking bird seed on the ground and when the hippies go to peck at it to their hearts content you just jump in your hotrod and just hit the rocky road to safety, brutha.

Look, I'm not a fan of a big corporation like Monsanto, or Apple, or what have you...I know they have a lot of money and that they push the little guys around and I hate them for that just like you do. I know where to fucking draw the line though. I can't even imagine what the fuck is going on in this Mike Adams character's skull.

What the Fuck is Going On Here?

I have one theory of what da fuq is goin' on here, and to me this is the only logical thing I can arrive at. Then again, I had trouble believing people actually died from trying to eat air...so...I don't know...maybe there is no explanation...maybe Adams is just a full-fledged whack-job.

Either way this is my rational theory of why this fucker wrote this shit.

Judging from the comments on the article there's not many people who read it who seem eager to track down his enemies and maim them. Most people in the comments actually seem to be doing what everyone else who read it is doing...saying to themselves..."WHAT THE HELL IS HE FUCKING TALKING ABOUT!?"

Hey, it's hard to change an organo's mind. If you wanted to take on an organic-loon/conspiracy-theorist and tried to reason with them, you'd get nowhere fast.  Now, this mess of an article by Adams has probably scared away more people from the organic movement than anyone else ever has.

Taking that all into account, this is what I believe were the events leading up to this MESS of a kook article being published onto the internet. This is what I believe happened....

Speculation on Events Leading up to the Most Insane Internet Article Ever Written

Joey Mercola, Doctor Oz, and Mike Adams were all assembled in their lair one lazy Sunday afternoon (I'm assuming it's a lair similar to one the bad guys on Super Friends hung out at with all these crocodiles everywhere and things like that).

They are all up in this lair being all evil and everything, when out of the blue Mike Adams catches Doctor Oz bangin' his wife and is all like...

Adams: "Yo bro, don't do that shit to my wife, guy!"

Oz: "No way dude, I'll bang who I wanna bang cuz I'm Doctor fucking Oz!"

Adams: "You suck man! Yo, I'm gunna fucking sabotage our whole operation just to get back at you!"

Oz: "No way, bro! Don't do that! We gotta good scam going, don't do it! I am sorry and I will now cease from doing sex to your wife!"

Adams: "Too late, hombre. The damage is done...if you loved our cool scam so much you should've thought twice before you sexed up my wife."

Oz: "The repercussions of my mistake shall haunt me in the future..."

To get back at his colleague, Adams writes the most asinine and insane article anyone's ever written in order to sabotage the organic movement and sink their ship. That's THE ONLY rational explanation as to why someone would publish an article THAT CRAZY to the fucking internet for millions of hippies to read.


I sincerely hope this was a "trojan horse" style article to damage the reputation of the natural/organic movement because if it wasn't...then this cat Mike Adams is the fucking craziest loser on earth.

Here's hoping no one takes him up on his order to kill his enemies because due to an article I've written on this here blog even I would be considered "an enemy" of Natural News Dot Com (and very proud to be one by the way).

It's not that I'm scared of dying or anything. I'm pretty chill with death and all that shit. It's just that dying at the hands of a horde of feral vegan losers is not the honorable death I pictured myself having. My fantasy death in my dreams has way fucking more ninjas, robots, dinosaurs, clowns, and naked women in it...

...and certainly no vegans. Yo.