Hi, my name is D and this is my writings on subjects. I'm no rapscallion or anything at all. If you want to you can read my writings on subjects if you have free time. If you want to argue with me or call me names then please comment. Negative feedback is very welcome...I love dat shit. Me? I'm not even a noun, I'm a fucking verb, dude.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Odd Topics People have Chosen to Rap about...

Mr. T once engaged in a conversation which ensued as follows,

"Mr. T: Rappin' is a way of saying' knock knock.
Audience: Who's there?
Mr. T: Me! Open the door and listen to what I got to say."

-T., Mr., "Be Somebody... or Be Somebody's Fool!" (see: the section on Rappin')

This statement is true, Rappin' is a great method for someone to express themselves and their opinions on life. Many people over the course of the last 40 years have chosen to use Rappin' in that fashion, they have rapped about: how tough life is, love, their neighborhoods, how much they enjoy using or selling illegal substances, how dangerous their gang is, and a myriad of other topics. It seems that the topic list may be running short, as people have taken to rappin' about seemingly odd topics.

The following songs are such cases...rap topics that make you scratch your head a bit and think "why are they rappin' 'bout that?" The entries will be filtered to exclude really bad rap and completely inane rap. This isn't about bad rappers, it's about rappers who rap about odd topics (though some may be quite awful mind you).

But before we begin, we must first debunk and clarify a song which has made people scratch their heads over a specific lyric which is not what they may believe it to be.

Betty White?

Betty has been re-launched into super-stardom of late, and has apparently been pre-approved by her local branch for unlimited Gangsta Cred. But, was Betty's gangsta cred a misunderstanding? It appears so.

In Dr. Dre's 1992 smash-hit rapsong "Deep Cover" he makes this statement:

"Tonight's the night like Betty Wright, and I'm chillin" (Deep Cover, 1992)

The Force? Ya. But Gangsta? Naw.
I believe many people over the years have misheard this lyric as "Betty White" when in fact he is referring to Betty Wright, the woman who sang a song named "Tonight's the Night" back in the 1960's. Dre was not giving a shout out to Betty White by any means, he was obviously giving a shout out and props to a more understandable subject.

Betty has taken this false cred and put out her own rhymes of late, and her Rappin' is not necessarily bad...but when you observe it you must be aware that she is Rappin' under false pretenses. She by no means has any Gangsta Cred...any preconceived cred was mis-attributed.

Murder She Wrote...

Straight up O motherfuckin' G?
A similar era-adjusted contemporary of Betty's, Angela Lansbury, may have more gangsta cred than anyone has given her credit for. Angela starred on the hit TV show Murder She Wrote which ran concurrent and parallel with Betty White's Golden Girls show. Angela is very similar in all respects to Betty, yet may be an actual gangsta.

Murder She Wrote was a network television mystery drama where Angela was a writer/super-sleuth who solved who-dun-its with the greatest of precision and ease. On the surface, Angela appears to be about as gangsta as a young Ethel Merman, yet rappers have been giving her serious shout-outs and mad props throughout the history of Rappin'. Take this song from the She-Vanilla Ice of the nineties Ms. Tairrie B.,

Tairrie (an ebonicized version of Terry? I dunno) is horrible and awful, yet she is without any doubt giving mad props to Angela Lansbury in this song. Her bad-ass image appears to be a hommage to her, and Murder She Wrote is repeated ad-nausem through out the rapsong. This is very interesting, yet due to Tairrie's awfulness in the face of Rappin' we cannot use this as a proper method of adorning Angela with true and deserved props.

Angela Lansbury's real props comes from this great song...WARNING...it is really catchy:

Reggaemen extraordinaire Chaka Demus and Pliers use "Murder She Wrote" as the chorus in their hit rapsong of the same name as well, and this one is fucking good.

A noticeable phenomenon in the rap game is to just copy what other people did, and a quick scan of youtube proves that many people not only enjoyed either Tairrie B's or Demus and Plier's ditties but ripped them off as well. A surprising amount of amateur rappers on youtube have songs named and chorused with "Murder She Wrote." I'll collect a few examples of horrible plagiarists who stole the Murder She Wrote idea...

In conclusion, Angela is never specifically named in any of these songs, yet it is undeniable that they are giving a shout-out to her TV show and thusly giving her said shout-out. Unlike Betty White who is 100% undeserving of her credibility...Angela Lansbury appears to be the real deal, one might go as far as saying that she is straight poppin' Gangsta.

Movin' Right Along,

Okay, enough gangsta old ladies for one sitting...let's move on to something a little fresher and better. Something a little cooler and modern.

The following song is great, it is rapped by a man named Random, it is a wonderful and beautiful rapsong by a talented rapper. It is a love-style rap song about a man's love for a woman, a beautiful woman who he wants to take far away and be alone with for the rest of his days, yet it is a scandalous and forbidden  love which can never truly blossom, the man is like Romeo and the woman is like Juliette, they are in love but are not allowed to be due to circumstances out of their control. The song ends with the woman committing the ultimate display of true love as she self-sacrifices herself for her beloved man...it is a tragic rapsong...a tragic tragic rapsong...


This is a mission not a small time thing
Got me on the case like I'm Sherlock, Holmes
My dome kinda messed up from what I've been seein
And what I've been hearin, got me not knowin what to believe in
I was breezin, battlin bosses
The record is flawless, zero losses
'Til I came across this, stunning young piece
Who resided at the bottom of the sea - and she
Told me her name was Splash Woman
Beautiful but deadly, she was mad cunning
Had a voice that could soothe the savage
Beast, her physique was way above average
Magic the way she got me in a spell
Got me on lockdown, sort of like a cell
But I got a mission that I can't afford to fail
My girl, I got a secret to tell, umm...
I don't know how to say this
So I'm a just say it, that you my favorite
Even underwater I'm enchanted by your fragrance
You're the one to play with, won't you, be my baby?
Or maybe, we can get up out of this land
And maybe get a bite somewhere my dear
Even though she knew the truth about Ran
I had a feeling she would understand, yo I got a chance


Thought I was in love before
But I love you more, so baby come aboard
And go away with me, so I can make you see
What you mean to me, and baby we can be
Free... oh ohhhhh, under the sea
Oh ohhhhh, just you and me

Seem like every couple years I get that feeling
Feelin like I'm about to hit that ceiling
But I cain't cause it's time for spikes
And when I reach the lair I know it's time to fight
I couldn't do it, Punk'd out like Ashton's victims
She started singin and I had to listen
It was lovely, when she sang, the fish came
All of a sudden the mission changed, insane~!
She told me about her true purpose
She was a state victim that fell through the surface
A few days ago the contract expired
And she was scheduled to be thrown into the fire
And Wily gave her a reason to live
So now she gotta do what he says
She said a tear and said you don't understand
I gotta stick to the plan, I owe everything to this man
So please Mega Ran, don't take it personal
Cause it hurts I know, I'll make it worse y'know
But he saved me baby
To turn my back on Wily would be just plain crazy
She said it's the only way it can end
Let the, battle begin and we can't be friends
So my heart sunk low as the lair door closed
Drew the Mega Buster cause it's time to roll, here we go


So the battle was on, it was fierce
She hit me in the side and left my armor pierced
On her command, the fishes attacked me
I cocked the Mega Buster and hit 'em exactly
But the battle took a turn that was odd
Every time I fired a shot, she didn't dodge
She took each blast from the arm cannon
Smiled at me as every shot was landin
At first I didn't know what she was plannin
Then suddenly I started understandin
Yo I think she lettin me win
Givin me what I need so I can get to the end
By the 17th hit she began to stagger
Fell to the ground so I ran and grabbed her
Looked up in her eyes as she tried to laugh
Pulled me close and handed me her staff
I said I wish it didn't have to be like this
I'm thinkin he might miss her if she be my miss
She said don't be foolish, you gotta do this
Let the whole city know what the truth is
Said boy you got stuff to do
Said girl I woulda gave it all up for you
I feel invincible when I'm holdin you
But as far as love goes I'm 0-for-2

(Random, Splash Woman)

It is a great love poem and the beat makes it a great rapsong...wait a second...spikes on the ceiling? Mega buster? Is he? Oh my goodness...is this cat Rappin' about playing Mega Man!? That's amazing, not only is it great poetry and has a catchy beat, but the absolute silliness that this song is about something as awesome as Mega Man gives it an entertainment value which is off the charts (to me anyhow).


Turns out, that all of Random's rapsongs are about playing Mega Man and he's got dozens of them. Dozens and dozens of rapsongs about playing Mega Man. Wow. I'm not making fun of him, in fact, I'm a geek and a huge fan of the old Mega Man games. In fact, my family physician recently recommended that I beat Mega Man 2 at least 5 times per annum in order to stay healthy and fresh, and it is a regimen I am sticking to.

The first song I heard of Random's was a song about not wanting to grow up set to the beat of Woodman's level in Mega Man 2 (listen to it here). For those of you who don't know, Mega Man 2 is not only the best and most addictive game ever made, but it is also the deepest piece of literature ever created.
It's ok, it's over...get some rest now man.

Mega Man 2 is an epic story, about a robot who just wants to stand on top of buildings, feel the wind in his hair, and be free. Yet, a terrible psycho bent on revenge and hatred builds 8 evil robots to kill Mega Man and enslave the world...the psycho is unable to best our hero who easily defeats the robots in turn. After saving the planet, Mega Man wants no reward or fame...he is content on taking a long walk back home which takes him two full years, he walks through the changing seasons from summer to fall to winter and back, and when he finally gets to where he's going, he gazes upon the safety and security of his home, takes his helmet back off to let the wind into his hair again, and he begins the unwinding process. It's so simple, but very deep.

Other contributors to Mega Man 2 folklore through music include Brental Floss, and whoever the fuck wrote that song Okkusenman which has been covered about a thousand times now. These are not rapsongs but are related to this section for their Mega Man 2 folklore qualities alone:

The song Okkusenman sounds like if Ultra Bidé got a lot peppier, faster, and made their noise sound like a screaming banshee maniac. I find it to be really catchy actually...especially the part where the singer just loses it around 1:43 in the video.

"We revive vividly memories, but now we've forgotten all that as we grew up, and we're living each day as if we're being chased by something..." 

-The Dude who sings Okkusenman

(End Note: I think Thairrie B's "Murder She Wrote" was actually a tongue-in-cheek joke engineered by either Robert Townsend or Keenan Ivory Wayans. I'm not sure if Thairrie was in on this joke or not. No data shows for or against this claim, but I have a pretty strong hunch.)

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