Hi, my name is D and this is my writings on subjects. I'm no rapscallion or anything at all. If you want to you can read my writings on subjects if you have free time. If you want to argue with me or call me names then please comment. Negative feedback is very welcome...I love dat shit. Me? I'm not even a noun, I'm a fucking verb, dude.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

A New Genre of Horror Movie is Sweepin' the World: Reality Horror Movies

People like to watch movies, a lot of people like to do that. We watch movies to generate stimuli in our brains and to exercise our imaginations. There's a vast variety of films we can watch and each genre tries to trigger an emotion within us. There's...

Feel Good Movies: Movies which make you feel happy and good. The good guys win at the end, or the love story has a positive outcome where the girl gets the guy or the guy gets the girl and they kiss or something. These ones are supposed to make you leave the theater feeling all good inside.

Funny Movies: These movies attempt to make the audience laugh by presenting comical or odd or bizarre behavior in hopes of creating an uproar of humanistic laughter throughout the theater. They are geared to trigger your laughter mechanism as the intended emotional stimuli.

Drama Movies: These have a wide range of emotions on the viewer as they live vicariously through the difficulties of the protagonist of the film. The stimuli can vary with this genre.

Action Movies: Cool shit happens in this movie which pumps the adrenaline hard into the audience's high octane brains. These movies should get you wicked wicked pumped.

Horror Movies: These movies should scare the shit out of you hard. You should leave feeling very very scared. It should trigger the emotional stimuli in your brain that makes you feel all terrified and exercise your brain's fear muscle.

Okay, so as the title of this article suggests we shall be focusing on horror movies and highlighting a new genre of horror which is scaring audiences all over the world.


Scary Films

Aeeeeeiiiieeeeee !!!

Do they really still scare you? Surely not as much as when you were a child at least. Yo, when I was a kid scary movies scared the actual fuck out of me. I'll give you some personal examples from my own experiences...

Everything scared me when I was a fucking kid, man. Everything. I was a 'fraidy cat 110%, no doubt about it. When I was a little little kid I used to hide behind the couch when that terrible monster Polkaroo used to bust onto the screen. That green mother fucker used to scare the shit out of me, hardcore. Oh my word. I used to bolt away from that marauding mutant when he came on screen, I'd book it straight to the toy box to get my one-handed Big Bird Hammer to defend myself from that fucking thing. No joke. I knew that green menace was up to no good.

Another one that got me as a kid was that bit on the Street where Ernie goes into the tomb to find a mummy. That bit scared all the crap out of me. Oh my goodness did it ever...



That doppelgangin' mummy version of Ernie always used to scare the life out of me. Ernie was my friend and he was in great danger in this bit and I felt genuinely empathetically scared for my homeboy Ernie.

The first horror movie that made me scared as crap was the Shining, specifically the scene where those damned twins are trying to freak out that psychic boy on the Big Wheel, that shit was buck scary and a half.

NO !! GET OUT OF MY DREAMS!!
The one that got me the worst though was a Donald Sutherland movie that I saw when I was pretty young where Donnie's chasing his dead daughter around for the entire movie but when he finds her it turns out it wasn't even his dead daughter but just a murderous dwarf...and then the dwarf stabs the shit outta him...holy fuck....I did not sleep for an entire week after that movie. Holy shit.

I gotta take a break. Just thinking about this shit is still friggin' wiggin' me out even now.


Break

Hold up, homies, I gotta recoup. That fucking midget still ruffles my feathers. Deep breaths. Ok.


Back to Scary Movies

Now I'm really old now, and nothing at all scares me. No horror movies on earth could possibly trigger the fear mechanism of the brain of this grizzled veteran. Nothin' at all. I think this is true for most adults. Horror movies don't scare us anymore, in fact, most of us watch them now to laugh at them. Like you see a scene of a chainsaw guy chainsawing up a bunch of people and you don't get scared now...you laugh at it cuz it's funny.

How do we get scared from movies again? It seems we need to up the ante a bit to find a way to trigger the fear mechanisms in our brains again that went off so easily when we were kids. How can that be achieved?

What if the threat felt real? What if the threat hit closer to home? What if the threat in question is even something you do, have done, or even do every single day? Wouldn't that threat scare you?

That's the formula being employed by the new genre of scary movies that are becoming a huge success and raking in a lot of cash these days. I refer to this genre as Sociological Horror Movies and I can almost guarantee you've seen at least one of them.


Sociological Horror Movies

You take something that a lot of people in society do and get them to be scared of it. The cute thing is it could be anything at all. Some examples include...

1. Food Inc (2008): Everyone loves eating, we do it everyday. This is the terrifying horror story of how eating can and will kill your sweaty-ass and you cannot stop it. You're dead.

2. Vaccine Nation (2008): Everyone vaccinates their kids...this is the terrifying horror story of how vaccines will kill your smelly-ass kids and you can't do anything about it except watch them die in your arms.

3. Super Size Me (2004): A mentally handicapped man eats MacDick's for like a month...and almost dies.

4. Fed Up (2014): Sugar, we eat it...but is it really a poison that will murder us? Yes, yes it is. In fact, sugar is worser than cocaine and eating it is like rolling dice...with your own life.


Oh fuck, did you know murder lurks around corners you never even knew? Death lurks around even the most mundanest of corners in this topsy-turvy world of ours? Everything you do can and will kill you until you are dead. Do you feel lucky, punk? Well, do you? I didn't think so. You're scared aren't you? Scared out of your mind about things you thought weren't even deadly.

Well, to be honest, these movies don't scare me. Why? Because they are really fucking stupid, that's why. I don't want to list the reasons why or this article would be 100,000 words long but here are some good links critiquing these 4 Sociological Horror Movies mentioned above (these are just some critiques of many)...

1. A Corn Man vs. "Food Inc."
2. Jeff Gerber and Paul Offit vs. Vaccine Myths
3. Sweden vs. "Super-Size Me"
4. Harriet Hall vs. "Fed Up"

In the end the emotional trigger these movies have on me is they actually trigger the Hate Cortex in this fucking brain of mine. They don't scare me, at all, they make me angry. I am starting to actually hate organic food weirdoes, to hate people who don't vaccinate their dumb kids, to hate retards who make boring movies about eating at MacDick's, and hate dumbasses who want me to believe that sugar is more dangerous than fucking snorting cocaine. You people suck and your movies suck...they suck shit.

Good Ideas for New Ones

Hey reader, you're a cool guy or a sexy lady with some money to burn, right? Why not invest it into a Sociological Horror Film? They are as easy as pie to make and pretty cheap too and you can rake in millions if it gets big. Struggling for ideas? Just think of something that everyone does and make a movie about how that will end their life. OK, I'll help you out, here's some good ideas....

TV Screens: The Silent Killer (2015): In this shocking and downright frightening documentary, film maker Consalvo Rodriguez, tackles the leading cause of cancer in society today...TV screens. Their soft warm light may not be as safe as you think. The RGB colors coming off your screen and hitting your eyes...will literally fucking kill you so bad.

Socks: Do You Trust Them? Yes? You're Crazy (2016): Rogue and maverick film maker, Allan Mousepad, exposes the truth about socks...they are cutting off our blood circulation and responsible for 123,000 deaths world-wide every single year. Or even 7 million deaths...we can't be sure.

Hair Dressers or Deadliest of Assassins? (2017): You sit down to get your hair done yet with one botched move your hair dresser accidentally jams her scissors into your bitch-ass throat and you fucking die and everything. Experts estimate over ten million people die every SECOND from botched hair cuts. Don't roll the dice of your life...cut your own hair. From the brilliant film maker Johnson Dichtbuergers.


There, you just gotta bang one of those ones out and make millions. Remember to throw in some creepy music and some made up statistics...oh and...remember the golden rule of Sociological Horror Flicks....

...Never ever let the truth get in the way of making a compelling and retarded movie.


Conclusion

I'm sure a lot of people are scared out of their wits with these new fangled highfalutin horror movies, but me? I think I am just gonna stick with watching the old classic genre of Horror...so what if they don't scare me anymore like that crazy dwarf who killed Donald Sutherland did back in the day...the classic horror films still make me smile.

Sociological Horror Films? They don't make me smile...they make me buck angry. Buck Angry.

Maybe Sociological Horror Films isn't the right term to classify them, maybe a more fitting monicker would be something like Straight-to-DVD Retard Movies.

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