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Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Great Moments in Literature 3: The Development of Ma Junior / Demon Jr. / Piccolo

I like writing these, they're funner, no one gets offended with these ones either, they are fun for the whole family and everything.

Previous articles in the Great Moments in Literature Series:

1. Bob Backlund

2. Stan Gable


Today we shall not be looking at literature from fake wrestling or even from movies but shall be looking at a great character from Japanese Cartoons.

Now before we get going I want the record to show that for the most part...I am not a huge fan of Japanese Cartoons. It has a very cookie cutter format to it with thousands of people over in Japan writin' comix and making animations and it has reached a level of conveyor-belt-a-tude that almost is sweat-shop-esque in nature. I think the thing with these cartoons are "how fast and how many of these can we make?" and quantity always outweighs quality. Sometimes they do put budget into them and make feature length high-quality ones (like Akira, etc.) but for the most part the genre lacks originality.

That being said there's two Japanese Cartoons over the years which I think are fucking cool as all hell and they are One Piece and Dragon Ball (Z). Why out of the 2.7 million different Japanese cartoons are these the only two that I think are fucking cool as hell? Because they pump me up like fucking crazy, that's why. When I'm feeling unpumped there's nary a time either One Piece or Dragon Ball Z can't re-pump me up and get me all crazy and shit.

Oh man, the first time I saw Chiaotzu jump on to Nappa's back and blow himself up to try and save earth yet ultimately only managed to self-sacrifice himself vain, I felt like to cry, but then Tien Shin Han totally steps up and even though he has one arm cut off and blood is shooting everywhere...he fucking totally flips out and starts doing one-armed Kikihoos all over the damned place and just fucking going ballistic and goin' nuts.

My emotions get confused when watching this show sometimes...I don't know whether to cry, to get super-pumped...or both! It's like this show invokes an emotion in my brain n' body that I've never even felt before...bein' sad and pumped at the same exact time. It's like being Sumped or maybe Pumpad.

There are very little if any other entertainment media that can invoke the Pumpad emotion (which was just recently named only 10 seconds ago) in this boiling and festering soul of mine....so for that Dragon Ball is pretty cool in my books.

The character who's devo-lopment we shall be lookin' into shall be the character known as Ma Junior / Demon Jr. or as most Westernites know him...Piccolo.

(Note: Everyone's seen this fucking show, no? There's no need for a spoiler warnin' really).


Piccolo's Dad

Before you can learn about Piccolo you first have to hear a bit about his crazy old dad.

Good (Right), Evil (Left)
Piccolo's dad was a weird green alien man from outer space who got bored on his dumb planet (which we learned later was mostly green oceans, ugly green people, and dumb looking domes) and blasted off into outer-space lookin' for adventure! Eventually Piccolo's Dad would wind up on earth where he'd notice was a planet filled with weak and boring people.

He soon figured these jabronies needed a cool alien to guide them so he became God (seriously), but he felt that in order to be a super-benevolent God he'd first have to rid himself of evil. So using a technique common on his planet he split himself into two...one Good Side and one Evil Side.

The Good side of Piccolo's dad became God and watched over the earth while the Evil side went nuts and killed a bunch of fucking people. Luckily, a local martial arts man named Master Muta Ito managed to seal the Evil side of Piccolo's dad into an electric rice steamer where he remained for like a hundred years.

Many years later, unfortunately, a blue midget, a ninja-dog, and a hot russian-looking woman eventually happen upon the rice steamer and let Evil Piccolo's Dad out and shit gets messed up quick. Evil Piccolo's Dad (EPD) gets all the dragon ballz, wishes his youth back, and then declares May 9th as Piccolo Day. All the earthians have to celebrate that day marking it forever and ever as the day their new King arrived.

Ya, Piccolo's dad was fucking evil, a serious bad guy. He starts spitting out all these mutant "sons" that look like pterodactyls and all kinds of crazy things, which is pretty cool, but Tien and Goku beat up all the mutant "sons" in their attempt to stop his evil deeds.

Eventually, after Tien fails to re-trap Piccolo's dad in a rice steamer...Goku (when he's still a little kid) beats the living fuck out of Piccolo's dad....

....but.....

...Before Piccolo's dad dies he spits out an egg but this one isn't a stupid egg that hatches pterodactyls and stupid things like that...inside this egg is a perfect clone of Evil Piccolo's Dad...a perfect baby EPD which has all his DNA and even some of his memories and stuff.


Piccolo, First Incarnation: REAL EVIL

Piccolo, when he hatches from that slimy egg looks cute...but he's not...he's actually really really evil. He's as evil as his Evil Dad but he's just in a cute cute baby form at first.

He ages quickly because he's not human and soon enough he's a big boy and ready to compete in the 23rd Annual World Martial Arts Tournament. All the big names will be there like Yamcha, Chiaotzu, Tien Shin Han, Krillin, and the one who killed his dad...Goku.

Piccolo is more than just his dad's son, he is literally like a clone of his dad with not only his facial features and physiognomy...but also is a prisoner to his father's evil hopes and dastardly dreams.

He knows he has to kill Goku and get his revenge. He will stop at nothing to kill Goku, even if it means destroying the entire arena, or even the planet if that's what it takes.

His uncle Good Piccolo shows up and steals some dude's body in order to fight his nephew and seal him in a rice steamer but he fails and Piccolo gets his uncle sealed away instead...oh no!

Goku and Piccolo meet in the finals, as everyone expected and they do indeed destroy the entire arena during the battle...yet once again Goku comes out on top and defeats Evil King Piccolo's son.

Yet, in an act of kindness befitting of Goku, he gives Piccolo a Senzu Bean which heals his deep wounds and saves his life. Piccolo is remiss at this action yet undeterred as he vows to re-match Goku and kill him some time in the near future.


Dangerous Liaisons

Both Piccolo and Goku train in order to be in top shape for their re-match when the title is back on the line...the stakes shall be once again high as Piccolo vowed death unto Goku's head....yet misfortune erupts around our would-be pugilists as different aliens from a more different planet (the one Goku's actually from) come to earth to kill everybody.

Oh shit. The new alien kidnaps Goku's son and all kinds of panic ensues...oh my goodness.

Piccolo is distraught at this turn of events under the reasoning that if this dumb alien kills all the earthians and Goku then how the hell is he supposed to kill all the earthians and Goku!? After much deliberation, Piccolo decides that his only option is to propose a brief alliance with Goku to rid this alien menace under the understanding that it would be mutually beneficial for both parties...to which Goku accepts....

AND THE WORLD'S MOST STRONGEDEST TEEEEEEAM IS BORNED! DA-DA-NA-NA-NA-DA-Na-na-na-DA-DA-NA-NA-NA-NAAA!

Piccolo's deranged and evil mind seems to be easing slightly as he shows extreme signs of rational thinking with these actions. One might even begin to wonder if the heart of this evil being is beginning to crack slightly...possibly the Senzu Bean Goku gave him long ago as an act of kindness chipped away at his heart? Only time will tell.

Goku and Piccolo gang up on the stupid alien and try to kick the shit out of him but simply can't because they suck so bad....but then something really fucked happens...Goku's kid who's only like 4 years old and who's been kidnapped by the alien this whole entire time flips out hard when he sees his dad getting his ass kicked and goes ABSOLUTELY FUCKING BUCK WILD CRAZY AND FLIPS THE FUCK OUT. He nails the alien guy and the alien, Goku, and Piccolo are all like....

"Whoa, what the hell?"

Goku and Piccolo get their shit back together and get pumped after seeing Goku's son go nuts and they get more confidence to beat the alien. Goku gets the alien in a fricken Full Nelson and implores Piccolo to shoot his crazy-cool Demon Spiral Death Ray, that he loads from his mind into his index and middle fingertips, right through both the alien and himself.

Wow! COOOOOOL!
Piccolo is all for the idea of killing the alien and Goku with one super-wicked-cool-as-smoke damned Makankosappo Demon Lazor Cannon Ray for it would be like killing two birds with one stone (as they say).

He blasts them both and gets his wish of killing the alien and Goku....yet he can't relax yet.

(yo, don't worry death isn't legit in this show, people can just get wished back to life with the darned Dragon Ballz...like Krillin's been killed at least 5 times in this show and he's still there)

He cannot relax and feel victory because his loose lips are gunna sink a bunch of ships. As the alien lay dying, Piccolo added insult to the alien's injury by telling the stupid alien that Goku's friends were just gonna wish him back with the darned Dragon Ballz anyway, so the alien is the only bozo that's gunna die. The alien gets the last of the laughs though...because he had a fucking tape recorder broadcasting that conversation to outer space where his alien friends are and now they are gonna come to earth to get those darned Dragon Ballz and fuck everything to shit and kill everybody! Oh my goooodness.

As Piccolo feels stupid that he said that and realizes this fight is only beginning, he recalls Goku's son's flip-out from earlier and tells the 4 year old he's gonna train him to harness that power so he can help him fight the aliens when they get to earth. The kid doesn't want to but Piccolo tells him he'll break his fucking neck if he doesn't do the intense Jungle Survival Training he has planned for him!

Has the evil Piccolo become less evil or is he just allying himself with Goku and now his son to save his own evil green skin? Only time will tell.


Benevolent Uncle Piccolo

Piccolo throws Goku's son into the jungle and tells him if he doesn't die in the next like 6 months then he'll train him to be wicked strong. He does this to toughen the kid up, but it turns out not to be as harsh as you'd think as Piccolo is always giving the kid apples and helpin' him out in the jungle from afar so the kid doesn't die. Piccolo's watchful eye doesn't look evil when he does this...his watchful eye looks kinda uncle-like.
Take THAT ya big moon!

With Piccolo's help Goku's son (Gohan) progresses his survival training nicely, except trouble brews out as Gohan (due to being a monkey alien) turns into a gigantic gorilla at night time cuz of the moon and tries to murder Piccolo. Being a pretty smart guy, Piccolo realizes this is a total werewolf-esque situation being caused by the dumb moon....so he fucking Makankosappo Demon Lazor Cannons the god damned moon! Cool.

Blowing up the moon is just plain cool. It just is. Master Roshi blowed it up once too, I think, but I don't remember how or why the moon came back...I'm guessing someone wished it back with those darned Dragon Ballz, I dunno.

After that Gohan isn't a big gorilla for a while and they develop a sort of friendship between them. Piccolo keeps telling himself he is training him to stop the aliens so he can conquer the world himself when the alien threat has passed...yet the viewer knows better and can plainly see his evil heart cracking before their very eyes.

When the other two aliens (the friends of the first alien) finally show their retarded faces on earth to kill everyone and rob the Dragon Ballz...Gohan participates with the other earthian heroes to repel them, yet with Goku still out on the disabled list (60-Day DL; Out indefinitely due to Death), Gohan and the others cannot defeat the monkey aliens and their painful deaths are imminent...

...and not only imminent but those deaths are for REAL this time cuz if the monkey aliens kill the guy who makes the Dragon Ballz (which turns out to be fucking Piccolo...cuz if Piccolo dies then the Good Piccolo dies too and Good Piccolo is God, remember?)...then they can't wish nobody back with said Dragon Ballz, which sucks cuz then when yer dead yer dead for good.

All that taken into consideration, i.e. Piccolo KNOWS that if he dies then no one can wish anyone back to life, what happens next is pretty large, man....

...................
When one of the monkey aliens tries to kill Gohan, Piccolo jumps in front of the child and takes the energy blast meant for him....and dies. It's so damned sad, my goodness...because this time it's real...like there's no more Dragon Ballz if Piccolo dies....and now Piccolo's straight up dead.

Before he dies, he tells Gohan something that will break your damned heart even if it's coming from a green man from a very silly cartoon show from Japan, he says...

"Gohan, you're the only real friend I've ever had. I want to thank you..."


You saw this evil creature's heart cracking the whole entire time, from when he started training Gohan 'til this very moment, you knew he was slowly becoming a good guy. Now in the heat of life-or-death battle, he sacrificed himself for his sworn enemy's son...but why? Because that boy was "the only real friend he ever had." 

Those were his last words. That's so deep, word.

Yo.


I'm Home! I'm ALIVE! I FEEEL GREEAT! I FEEL INCREDIBLE! YES! YES! I CAN WIN! WOW! MY GOSH!

Well, even though apparently he was dead for good...he really wasn't. Turned out there was more of those magic Dragon Ballz on the planet Piccolo originally came from so they all shoot up to space to find them and resurrect all the earthians that died from the alien attack (including Piccolo).

Unfortunately, A crazy planet-broker who buys and sells planets and their resources to the highest bidder gets pissed that our heroes are messing around on a planet that he wants to gut and sell so he gives them a hard time. This guy is tough too.

Our intrepid space-venturing heroes eventually wish Piccolo back and he feels stronger from training on that King Kai planet but is unconfident that he can beat this new enemy....but as luck would have it he finds a really powerful countryman who is near death and fuses with him (remember how God did that at the start? Yeah you can un-fuse yourself but you can also fuse yourself too, obviously).

This guy he vulcan mind-melds with is like a totally cool guy too and when their bodies merge Piccolo turns into even more of a better guy and even more of the evil washes away, in fact a huge wave of Positive Thinking hits our favorite green guy, check it out...


YES! YES! YES! WOW!

Holy moly, I've never seen Piccolo this positive before, he's like a new man after he fused with that dying guy. Wow. Talk about character development...how 'bout merging souls with another person and becoming a more better person? How's that for character development!? Whoa.

Piccolo kicks some ass, then Goku comes and turns blonde and beats some more ass....they win, but the important thing is that Piccolo is even more less-evil now.


Becoming God's Uncle

After they make everyone alive again and come back to earth from Piccolo's planet...they have to fight a bunch of robots who came from the future to murder them, why the fuck not?

These robots? Holy shit they are strong...like waaay more stronger than the last guys they fought in outer space. Piccolo comes to the conclusion that he is but merely half a man and could never beat a bunch of robots from the future in his present state.

Remember how his dad and his uncle were once One? Well, Piccolo thinks it's time to become One again and goes to see his Uncle God on that tower where God, a cat, a fat guy, and a guy with a turban live. Piccolo is basically all like....

Piccolo: "Uncle God, I'm not all that evil anymore so let's fuse and become One like you and my dad used to be before, ok God?"

God: Ya, okay, fine.

So, Piccolo and God fuse together and become One...thus completing the long and somewhat strange transformation of Piccolo from a bad guy into a good guy. This new good-guy Piccolo and his friends beat those damned robots and everything's chill again.

After all's said and done...Piccolo (now God) looks back and remembers all the bad shit he did to people and realizes he's still a bit too evil to be friggin' God of Earth so he vacates the position and recommends a kid they brought home with them from space be God now... and Piccolo will be like God's Uncle and watch over God and teach God right from wrong.


Character Development Assessment

Okay, so...basically, Piccolo went from being:

1. An Alien

and then became,

2. Two Aliens

and then became, 

3. An Egg

and then became,

4. A cute baby Alien 

and then became,

5.  A Bad Guy

and then became,

6. A Rational Bad Guy who Worked with Good Guys when it was Necessary

and then became,

 7. A Bad Guy who Understood what Real Friendship Was

and then became,

8. Almost a Good Guy after Fusing/Merging Himself with a Pretty Decent Guy

and then became,

9. A Good Guy after Fusing/Merging with his uncle who happened to be God 

and then became,

10. God's Benevolent Uncle


Okay, wow....now that's some character development, man. My goodness. They won't teach you that in those script writing classes those hollywood jaboronies take. Fuck.

Normally, character development goes like a 1-2-3 progression of bad guy - to normal guy - to good guy... but with Piccolo, the vehicle getting him from point A to point B on his character development map took some scenic detours, that's for sure.

If you're gonna write a book, or a fake wrestling, or a Japanese Cartoon, or a movie...always remember when you're branching out your character devo-lopment maps to throw in some wild-ass 180s and 360s and some U-turns to keep everyone interested...you might as well make your characters eggs and God Uncles too.

Dang, Piccolo is cool.

Piccolo (left) with his nephew God (right)

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