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Saturday, December 20, 2014

No, North Korea Did Not Hack into Sony.....

I'm not really understanding any media report I see on this nonsense, there's no facts ever mentioned as to how/what/why/when/how apparently North Korea hacked Sony. All the reports are making this into a big deal and when this movie is finally released it will get 100x more viewers than it would have had if this media fiasco not happened.

The following are things to know about all parties involved,


Sony gets hacked into ALL THE TIME. It's not a big deal when a company with security as shit as sony gets hacked into...it's actually a very mundane thing that surprisingly has happened many times before. Why all of a sudden is Sony getting hacked is a big deal? I have no clue. It's happened like twice before and no movies were ever cancelled.

1. In 2011, Sony Playstation Network was hacked and almost 100 million accounts were compromised (source)

2. Also in 2011, Sony Pictures was hacked into and data was breached (source)

I think maybe that dumb Sony just gets hacked into so much that they figured, "oh well, we suck at running a company, might as well make a marketing ploy out of it this time to save face and make some money off our stupid mistakes."

North Korea

North Korea in terms of GDP is 14 billion as a nation, placing it 121/194 in the global rankings. It's not doing very well. It only very recently got a 3G network (source) for the first time ever and in many respects it would be safe to describe North Korea as being a few decades behind the technological world. Ten years behind? Twenty? Thirty? Probably safe to say it's 30 years behind. It's 1984 over there, let's say. This is not a country anyone should be scared of.

Famines for example aren't things that many people in the developed world ever experience, but in the nineties and even into the millennium...North Korea lost half a million people to starvation (source). When I said this country isn't doing very well that was a bit of an understatement, it's doing terribly.

The saddest thing is their "leaders" in charge don't really care or even know how bad they are doing. They don't have elections, they have a dynasty dictatorship...and it is one of the weirdest dictatorships ever. The propaganda they run is downright the silliest shit you've ever seen.

For example here is a video shown in North Korea depicting the "third world United States" and how downright miserable it is there:

Hahahaha. It's a snow-eating famine over in America apparently. N. Korea does weird shit like this all the time, they apparently made the World Cup Final last time according to them. I seem to not remember seeing them in the World Cup Final last time (or ever)...probably because they suck at soccer. They tell their people shit like that all the time, flat out childish lies, it's retarded.

The propaganda level there is to an extreme where nothing they say is ever true. Even if North Korea says they are responsible for the Sony hack the chance of what they are saying being true is literally ZERO percent. It's as true as them making it to the World Cup Finals, it's just absurd retarded lies by a retarded government.

The chance the liars at the North Korean government are telling the truth in any situation is minimal to none. If the North Korean government is claiming to be behind the hack they are just bull shitting like these losers always do.

The Movie

Seth Rogan has made the same movie 1000 times now, no one likes them anymore. How many times can you watch a person who can't fucking act? Maybe it's fun the first few times seein' like a "regular Joe" on screen but by the umpteenth time who can possibly sit through it anymore? Who in their fucking right fucking mind would willingly go and watch a Seth Rogan movie? A fucking moron, that's who. How many times can you throw the same shit onto a plate and expect people to still eat it?

I have a feeling this movie was worse than usual...maybe even a fucking BOMB. A flop. A piece of fucking absolute garbage...the kind of garbage only a Seth Rogan could make. The kind of movie that would bore an audience to tears.

Hold the phone, it's not even coming out, it's being stopped by an evil mastermind who doesn't want this movie to see the light of day! Oh nooooooo! Woe is us, our freedom is being compromised by a country with a 14 billion dollar GDP and where almost a million people die of starvation in any given decade. You good boys and girls of movie-going land have to make a difference and DEMAND this shit movie come out and sit through it bored out of your mind not for yourself but FOR YOUR COUNTRY!

Yeah, right. Gimme a fucking break. Fuck you. I wouldn't watch this movie for all the limestone in North Korea. I wouldn't watch this movie in a million years.

This movie is getting free advertising in ALL media outlets in North America, Europe, and the World. According to data from "Theatrical Market Statistics" it costs an average of 40 million to market a movie. So that free advertising is worth about 40 million bucks...fuck, all you media companies reporting on this retarded story should be demanding to be payed by Sony for the ads you are all running for them. Fuck man, when this piece of crap film comes out, thanks to all this buzz, it's gonna make like 200 million fucking dollars when it should have made 20 million.

Also, like many other people have pointed out, this is not the first time a movie like this has happened. Team America depicted Kim Dong One as a childish alien cockroach for crying out loud and no one gave even one iota of care over that scene.

It was not a even a thing, not even a little thing.

I don't know, maybe it's only a big deal when not-funny people make fun of the Kim Dongs Ils, when the South Park dudes do it, I guess it's all chill.

The Hackers

The group who did the hack claim to be "the Guardians of Peace" and used a cute little red skeleton as their logo.

It looks like it was done by a thirteen year old kid for crying out loud. Ugggh, either that or a disgruntled ex-employee who had access to the server and got back at the company that downsized him by making a big mess on the old internets.

In different rounds of lay-offs in 2014 alone Sony has cut almost 5,000 jobs. That's 5,000 disgruntled employees this year ALONE. That's a pretty large candidate pool for a good old fashion revenge hack. This scenario sounds so much more likely to me than the North Koreans doing it...which to be honest, is fucking absurd.

This marks the 3rd time in like 4 years that Sony's been hacked, and the odds of it being a disgruntled employee or a 13 year old kid with too much time on his hands is far far more plausible.


This situation is totally absurd, it is a ridiculous marketing strategy by Sony to try and make themselves look better after their shit security has been hacked THREE TIMES in FOUR YEARS!

Every news outlet running free advertising for Sony should demand payment for the spots they are running for them. Why is every media outlet on earth giving this movie free advertising? If people have to pay 12 bucks for fucking popcorn at these fucking theaters the least you could do is not let these losers get free advertising for their fucking shit conveyor-belt movies.

Look, if this movie grosses 200 million when they finally release it (after they generate as much buzz around it as they deem fit)...then guess what? We're gonna get dozens and dozens more conveyor-belt Seth Boran movies. Dozens and dozens of unwatchable pieces of shit...and in the end, that's the real crime here.

That's the real crime.

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