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Sunday, August 9, 2015

Do Young Canadians have to Care about Politics?

Election season is in full swing up here in the "coolest" (literally the coldest) nation on earth....Canada.

The leaders are debating the big issues on the television screens, such as their official stances on "TV Shows" and "Movies" and other fascinating topics....

Golly gee whiz....I love TV Shows too!

This is what we get in Canada, so all you people hating on Trump down there in the states....try and imagine how Howdy Doody our election is. You Americans should be grateful for the entertainment value and debates surrounding your elections. You don't want what we have, we have people with the intelligence of five years olds debating each other up over here.

"Golly gee...Do you love TV Shows Mr. Prime Minister of Canada?"

"Well howdidly doodidly ms. Reporter, oh yes, I most certainly do love Movies and TV Shows. Thanks you kindly for asking me that."

I would love to have the media circus of an American election in Canada, believe me, your shit is so much better than our shit...so don't take it for granted. Believe me, you'll miss the circus if it ever leaves town, even though you don't appreciate it now.

If one day the media circus surrounding the American election disappeared and was replaced with Trump telling you what his favorite kind of jam is and how much he loves going ice skating on the lake up near his house...believe you me....you'll be angry. You'll wonder why the circus left town and was replaced with this boring obnoxious drivel.

The thing that gets my goat the most about the lame-wad Canadian election is that people get on my case for not taking this boring garbage seriously. I've never voted in my life, when I turned 18 I felt like I should vote but when I did go to vote I'd end up writing in old Expos baseball players on the ballot when I got to the booth because I didn't know what else to do.

When I tell people that I don't vote, especially old folks, they tend to get bent out of shape over that. They look at me like I'm some sort of social pariah with no brains for not caring about Canada's lame-wad political farce. I'm not even a "young voter" anymore and don't vote so it's like a double-faux-pas apparently, but I'm a chronic non-voter and I doubt anything will ever change that.

Alrighty so, I'm gonna harness the power of statistics in this opinion piece to try and show why the fuck I don't need to give a fuck about these dumbass leckshuns at all.


Young Canadians...Does your vote even Matter? 

Ok, first off we need to look at Canada's age demographics before we talk about anything else. This next link shows out of the 35.5 million dudes/chick/n' trannies that live in golly-gee jolly-gosh Canada what age group they are:

Stats (bad as) Can: http://www.statcan.gc.ca/tables-tableaux/sum-som/l01/cst01/demo10a-eng.htm


Young voters I will classify as being 18 to 30. Let's take a nice round number like 7 million to quantify "young voters" okay?

Now how many "old voters" are there? People from 31 to Soylent Green years old? Let's round it to a nice number like around 22 million.

Let's say 29 million people are voting age in Canada and young voters are 7 million of them. How is that on a pie graph? Let's take a look-see:



Beauty graph eh?


Now, it seems Young Jabronies are a pretty small piece of the votin' pie. It looks like Soylent Greeners are actually a big green Pac-Man like creature that is devouring Young Jabronies according to the data.

If you aren't familiar with statistics and sample-size and things like that... this might not have an effect on your young mind. I don't want be bursting bubbles up in here but this data is suffice to say that for every 1 vote the young people demo have...oldoes have 3 votes. 

Soylent Greeners have 3x more voting power than Young Jabronies do.

Speaking in realistic terms, young voters are a niche market that's barely even worth catering to for someone trying to win an election. From a strategic standpoint that's the reason why the Red Party (Liberals) have sunk down to third place in the polls. They are trying to get young voters to vote for them and young voters is a niche market not even worth investing any time in to try and cajole.

When Justin Bieber or Justin Timberlake or Justin Trudeau or whatever the fuck his name is...goes on TV and talks about smokin' blunts and takes his shirt off to do boxing promos...all it does is turn off almost 75% of voters in order to cajole less than 25% of voters. It's a horrible strategy, whoever the Liberal strategist is...that person should be let go and fast.

From the data we can clearly see that Young People's voting power is not enough for anyone to take seriously and thus when Young Jabronies pretend they are important it's just annoying and dumb.


A Four Hundred Million Dollar Boring-Ass Dog and Pony Show

Next off, let's rap loose a little bit about money. This election as everyone knows is the most boring, howdy-doody, offensively condescending, loser-filled, freak fest LOAD OF NONSENSE on the face of the planet that no one with half a brain would pay any interest in...

....and yet...

Experts and members of Elections Canada predict this election will cost tax payers 400 million at the least. Now, American readers have to remember that Canada isn't a big deal like the states is and maybe that number doesn't seem large but if we look at population and GDP, we can see that Canada is such a miniscule region that this amount of money is a pretty large sum.

USA Population320 million
Canada Population: 35 million

USA GDP: 17 trillion
Canada GDP: 2 trillion

Canada is not a big Juggernaut of a nation by any stretch of the word yet its Elections cost their citizens 400 million dollars each time they engage in these shenanigans. It's not big enough of a Country to have such a long and circus-esque election season.

On top of it all, the 400 million price-tagged show payed by tax payers... IS NOT EVEN ENTERTAINING AT ALL! It's lamer than fuck. It's more boring than shit. It's something only the most mentally-neglected loser could find entertainment value in. It's atrociously boring.

It's an atrociously boring 400 million dollar rinky-dinkin' Dog an Pony show that tax payers have to pay for. It's offensive by all accounts.


Conclusion

Look Young Jabronies of Canada, for you people to invest even one iota of care into these election proceedings is a gigantic mis-use of your time. For every second of care you're currently investing into politics...please take that time and invest into learning a skill, learning a trade, advancing your understanding of mathematics, read a book, write a book, go visit your grandma in the hospital or old folks home, join a rock and roll band, write a rap, preform some rap, learn how cook, etc. etc. etc.

Basically anything you do with your time, Young People, is better than wasting your time caring about politics and this lamewad of an election. There's serious problems in the world today, you can change things. You can become inventors and tech experts. You can become doctors. You can volunteer and feed the hungry n' thirsty kids of the world. You can do shit that actually isn't stupid. Your time has value.

For a young person to convince themselves to care about politics is the corruption of a young brain. It is the waste of a young person's brain power and its time here on earth...it really fucking is. If any Soylent Greener calls you dumb or uneducated or socially unresponsible because you don't vote...next time...tell that Soylent Greener to go take a bath because they smell like an old person and are disgusting. 

And, as for Americans angry over the media circus of their elections and wanting it to be toned down. Be careful what you wish for, guys. Be careful what you wish for. Put yourselves in a Canadian's boots and just try to picture for one second the topics our 400 million dollar freak show covers....

"Mr. Leader what is your favorite kind of Tim Horton's Donut?"

"Honorable Member of Parliament...what kind of ice cream do you like?"

"Prime Minsiter of Canada...what color in the Smarties box tastes the best in your opinion?"

"What is your official stance on Movies and TV Shows?"

If you Americans had to be in our boots for even 5 seconds of this you'd literally kill yourselves. You wouldn't be able to handle this level of howdy doody, you wouldn't. Believe you me....you'd go crazy having to listen to this shit, man. No joke.



End Note: I think the template media-character the Canadian politicians go with is the "innocent retarded child" character. Good examples of this are Andy Merrill's "Brak" character or John C. Reilly's "Steve Brule" character. It's un-comprehensible to me how Canadian politicians go with this as their default image. Apparently the minds of Canadians is comparable to a mind of a 4 year old if these are the personas our politicians think we will relate to.

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